Life with Mikey

2004-04-29T02:34:00.000-04:00

2004-03-03T00:26:00.000-05:00

.:New Site:.

I've caught a lot of shit about not updating. But honestly this site is old, unreadable, and frankly crap. Hopefully when I go home for spring break, my brother can explain to me some stuff about moveable type. So hopefully, soon, I may have a new site.

Until then, I leave with a picture of the face who will be the flagship of my new venture.

2004-01-17T00:51:00.000-05:00

Just thought you might want to see

btw.life is better.

2004-01-12T00:40:00.000-05:00

i hate my life.

2004-01-05T15:19:00.000-05:00

Off the heels of the sucessful "All I want for X-mas" post we have:

All I want for my birthday (this time in alphabetical order):

-Alias season 1&2
-Candy
-Coldplay Albums. Parachutes and Rush of Blood to the Head
-Due South Season 2
-DVD movies (Seven, 12 Monkeys, Almost Famous, Traffic [Criterion Collection], and Saving Private Ryan) Note: Special Editions only, don't get cheap on me.
-Gift Certificates
-Madden 2004 (should be cheaper now)
-Money

Fin.

2003-12-05T21:43:00.000-05:00

It was about 2 months ago, I compiled a list of movies. The list contained movies that were out and ones that were upcoming that I wanted to see. But being at college it made it hard to see all these great films. Movies like Mystic River, Kill Bill, School of Rock, all became casualties to this hindrance. I felt bad, because I knew years with truly good films are hard to come by. They come once or twice in a decade.

Luckily, I discovered Grafton-Stoval theatre (the theatre for JMU students).

And today, most fortunately, I discovered The School of Rock.

Out of the three mentioned above, it was the movie I felt most regret about not seeing. Which may sound strange, because the other two are directed by Clint Eastwood and Quentin Tarantino, respectively. But I read the review in my EW and I just knew I was missing out on something great.

The movie fires on all cylinders. It may go down as one of the best casted movies of all time. It was like Jack Black was BORN to be in this movie, and that to make this movie was his purpose in his life. I know the writer, Mike White (who actually is in the movie, and is great too), used to live next to Black, and he must've saw it too, and I wouldn't be surprised if Black was his muse. He had more screen presence then some actors who have the little gold man on their mantles and the comic timing most would die for. The Hollywood aristocrats would shoot me for saying this but I think he deserves a nomination. Movies like this get pushed aside way to fast for their subject and their cast (other examples, The Fifth Element, Dogma, and The Iron Giant).

But Black is just the tip of the iceberg. Joan cusack is superb, and the kids...the kids kicked fucking ass. To think they were not even actors to start off with boggles my mind. But what made the movie, besides Black, was the director Richard Linklater (Dazed and Confused, Before Sunrise, Waking Life, etc...). You could tell he knew what he was directing, and that was important. Stick Spielberg behind the camera and you would have got a lesser movie, as talented as he is, he would have never made a better movie than Linklater. He was able to get just the right amount of Rock History, emotional appeal, and the right dose of Black and make a masterpiece.

I didn't think it was possible, that in one year I would find two movies that entered my top ten list. Lost in Translation is definitely in there, but I am really gonna have to put serious thought, into the School of Rock.

Enough poignant crap, is it weird that I found the bass player hot?

Black seems to think so.

2003-12-01T21:19:00.000-05:00

Elliot Smith

The problem with not being home is that I don't get my Entertainment Weekly fix. I come home and have to read four or five issues to get caught up with the labyrnith that is Hollywood.

While I was catching up this t-giving weekend, I came to an article that caught my totally off-guard. Totally unbenknownst to me Elliot Smith was dead.

I'm not gonna lie to you and say I am a huge fan, although I am sure I would be if I had his cds. I first heard his music on the Good Will Hunting soundtrack and I thought it was awesome. It wasn't til Wes Anderson used Elliot Smith's "Needle in the Hay" did I realize how godly Smith was. That song became an anthem to me whenever I was in dark times.

Like I said, I'm not as well versed in Smith as I like to be. So I offer up a commentary by Margaret Cho off of her blog. It's awesome.

I'm saddened, but I saw the first Return of the King preview for TV, and it made me smile.

2003-11-22T01:12:00.000-05:00

I love movies. I love the fact that for two hours, I can sit in a theatre, and forget all my troubles. Forget about my life, forget the fact that I'm quite alone, forget about Queer Eye for a while...

I watched Once Upon a Time in Mexico at Grafton Stoval today. In hindsight I realize the movie was good not great, but during those 2 hours, that could've been the best movie ever. I hadn't seen a movie since Lost in Translation (which dont get me wrong is, fucking awesome, my 2nd favorite movie of all time),. More importantly, I hadn't seen an action flick on the big screen in a long time. It felt good. Real good.

Robert Rodriguez is a hero...and Johnny Depp is a god among men.

He's such a god, I'm thinking about gouging my eyes out.

2003-11-16T23:51:00.000-05:00

I believe I called it.

If only I were 21, and had vegas ties.

2003-11-12T22:03:00.000-05:00

Life With Mikey: Video RevieW

Yes, I watched the Paris Hilton sex tape. Well, more of the highlight reel. For those so deprived, they might never see this tape, LWM offers up its first video review.

Plot: Paris Hilton screws former boyfriend Rick Solomon.

Visuals: 2/10. The whole video is done in nightvision which really hurts the picture quality and gives the film a grainy feel. The camera work is pretty nice, given the man power. The beginning scene is filmed poorly, it took me a while to figure out where what was going into where.

Audio: 6/10. The talking is cleary audible, but like any homevideo, there are some limitations on how good the quality can be.

Extras: 10/10. In the tape Hilton finds anyway to be on camera. Thus making it obvious that she likes to be in the spotlight, no matter what that light may be.

Overall: The ending of the highlight reel is the best. and shows what this film could've been. But overall 5/10 (not an average of the three).

2003-11-10T21:45:00.000-05:00

Newsflash

After receiving a fist in his ass, a heated Kellen Winslow address the press.

Kellen: If people are gonna go after my ass, I'm gonna go after their asses. I'm a fucking soldier!

Shortly after GLAAD makes Kellen their spokesman for gays in the military.

2003-11-10T15:24:00.000-05:00

Doug Flutie is a God

When I'm 41, I want to be like Doug Flutie.

He is a god among men, juking and jiving and what not. He made that Vikings safety his bitch for a day.

I bet his wife was all over him that nite.

But besides his football game last nite and his bedroom prowess, he's got fucked his whole career.

I don't know why, but for some reason the Bills were intent on Rob Johnson being their quarterback. Even when everyone in the nation knew Doug gave them the best chance to win. If this guy was 47 I would want him to be my number 2 backup. He is straight off the meat rack, and he's got the remedy. It seems like everytime a QB goes down in front of him, he represents.

In the year 2009, I'm the GM of the bucs. In the offseason I pulled an awesome off-season trade that sent Eli Manning to me for an aging Jamie Sharper & Morten Anderson (who's place holder is an oxygen tank).

But week 9, 3rd quarter, and down 31-10, a crushing tackle by Al Wilson sends Manning to the hospital.

I walk up to Gruden from the press box, and he accompanies me to the bench where Flutie is reading a story to his kids.

Gruden: I saw that Boston College game, I know you have this shit in you.
Mikey: Fuck em' up.

Flutie goes in, and within a minute he scores on a 50 yard run to the right, in the process juking out Deltha O'Neal and Kenoy Kennedy, and breaking both their ankles, literally.

We go on to win 38-34.

After the game ESPN catches a teary conversation between me and the old man, after his miraculous 21 point comeback.

Flutie: We did it!
Me: I love you.

2003-11-07T14:50:00.000-05:00

Buy Me This

My all I want for Christmas bit was missing something. I knew it.

2003-11-05T15:18:00.000-05:00

2003-11-05T15:10:00.000-05:00

I can sense earthquakes

Not really. I used to think I could, but it is not true. I just hadn't posted in a while so I figured I needed to catch your attention.

I have a lot of ideas for this post. Ideas that have been cluttering my mind for a quite a while. So in this post, I am just gonna release them. In no particular order.

What I want for X-mas:
-DMB: Live at Central Park CD and/or DVD
-Live Coldplay CD
-Bootleg DVD version of Lost in Translation
-Money
-Alias Season 1&2 DVDS
-Candy
-Video Games: Simpsons Hit & Run; Mario Kart: Double Dash; Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.
-Ronde Barber Bucs jersey
-Tim Hudson Oakland jersey
-Money
-More Old Navy Boxers
-Clay Poker Chips
-Beach toys
-Money

I swear I had more ideas than that. That's the problem with trying to keep all these ideas in my head. I just lack the mental capacity for this kind of recall.

Mikey's Like and Dislikes

Likes:
-Kittens
-Surviving an All-in call
-The Door-4-Subs cashier
-The Travel Channel
-Classes canceled
-The Flaming Lips
-Carmelo Anthony
-Bill Murray movies
-Kerry Collins
-Pho

DisLikes:
-White males who wear jean shorts
-John Mayer
-Any food that I pay with my JMU card
-SpikeTV
-LeBron James
-Big East Basketball and ACC Football
-Going to Courthouse for movies
-Fire Drills
-Asian and Black chicks
-Not being able to see Lost in Translation twice

Again there are some gems I'm missing here. I guess I got to start eating Tunafish.

If I could, then I would:
-Play the piano like the dude from coldplay
-Bang Gwyneth Paltrow like the dude from coldplay
-Play the guitar like Dave Matthews
-Grow a beard like Dave Matthews
-Read
-Get less sick search strings leading people here
-Achieve a rhythm divine
-Be Anthony Hopkins

Fin.

2003-10-27T00:46:00.000-05:00

Chief Concern

I realize my baseball picks were horrible (for those scroll deficient, I picked A's over Giants).

But I swear, my football Super Bowl pick is air-tight. I'm a veritable Jimmy the Greek.

2004 Super Bowl: Bucs over Chiefs

How did I come to this conclusion. Well, the last 3 teams to go 8-0 went to the Super Bowl (I realize they also won, but I'm planning on a breaking of the trend). This is how the Chiefs get there.

The Bucs, well, it's a regression to the mean sort of thing. Save the Dallas game, the Bucs haven't been playing to their normal level. But I think by the end of the season, they will have worked their level of play back to that of the Super Bowl Champs of last year.

Besides these two scientifc observations, there are also some other supernatural forces at work here.

My favorite team: The Bucs

My girlfriend's mom's favorite team: The Chiefs

Bold Prediction: After the Bucs win the Super Bowl, I will gloat so much, that my girlfriend's mom will forbade me to see her daughter. This causes me to go in to a downward spiral perpetuated by my addiction to Soy Sauce and Flintstones Chewables. While in detox, I will meet a man who will tell me of his get rich quick scheme, that involves instruction manuals and heavy machinery. Despite realizing that this man was a figment of my imaginiation, I put the plans into work and make 2 million dollars in one year. Using the newfound monetary flow, I win back my girlfriend by buying her mom a Super Bowl ring I bought off Shelton Quarles. In addition, I will employ my friends and put into work our Pho Restaurant idea. We all become rich beyond our wildest dreams, and get featured on Forbes Magazine. And live happily ever after.

This dream of getting rich, of course, all depends on Priest Holmes getting injured in the AFC championship.

Trick or Treat.

2003-10-22T23:03:00.000-04:00

Readers...we have to have a little chat.

I've seen some sick ass search strings in my life. Lord, I've tolerated "pedophile videos" and "Tom Welling nude." Life with Mikey, has even been found by searching for "nude retards." It grossed me out yes, but I figured it was just Bean looking for naked pictures of Cuba Gooding Jr. in the movie Radio.

But when you scroll the last 20 searchengine queries and see the sickest, the most deplorable thing you can imagine, something has to be said.

GREG GRUNBERG NUDE.

I can't stress enough how disgusting that is. I'd rather brush my hair with a stapler.

Greg fuckin' Grunberg? I wish I could find the sick ass bitch that looked that up. I would track down their IP address to their house, put them through severe mental hypnosis, and if I can't help them, I'll take over where the eugenics movement failed. I'd just kill them.

Look at the guy. My main man Steve just calls him pizza boy. He's doesn't have love handles he has a steering wheel.

I don't want to live in a world where there may be a market for pizza boy in the buff.

But maybe I'm being to hard on him. Yes, I'm having a change of heart mid-post. I mean there are worse things in life.

1) The Drew Carey show is still in syndication.
2) The existence of the movie "See Spot Run."
3) MadPony.
4) Red Sox winning game five of the ALDS.
5) And this unbelievable fuck debuting at number one the charts.

At least I can figure out what gender Grunberg is.

I'm not sure if I can blog after this.

2003-10-11T16:30:00.000-04:00

Reality Bites

What do you do when you are utterly alone, and everyone you know is miles from you.

Moan. Moan like a son of a bitch.

Life isn't fair. For the next four years I have to sit idly by, while all my friends are out making new memories that will last a lifetime. I have to deal with the fact that my best friend is gonna spend more time with my girlfriend the next four years than I will. And something about that just does not sit right with me. Am I the only one that seems the ignominy in that?

I feel like I'm a divorcee and I get to see my girlfriend during the summer, and specified holidays.

Sometimes I think of ways to get out of this mess. I always tell myself I'll write a screenplay, and I'll sell it for a million dollars, and I could get out of this place. But I'm way to lazy to ever start.

That's a bad combination hope and laziness. It leaves you twiddling your thumbs every nite, with Final Draft 5.0 open, getting blinded by the blank white slate that you've been staring at for hours.

I think I'll go fix myself a tall one.

Holly gets to watch quality football, while I'm stuck watching a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy marathon.

Although, I'm not sure if she has the advantage there...

2003-10-10T23:34:00.000-04:00

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

I'm writing this from a prison computer.

They gave me access to my blog and candystand.com. I had to bargain hard for the latter.

I was playing Life Savers® Boardwalk Bowling, when I realized I should tell the world where I have been for the past couple days.

It was a late Monday nite. I had witnessed the Atheltics blow another 2-0 series lead, and I was crushed. I broke out a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper Red Fusion and I downed them all. Buzzed on caffeine and high fructose corn syrup, I walked out of my dorm looking for trouble. I don't remember much, but I ended up hitch-hiking to LA.

I was dropped off in a real high class neighboorhood. I walked up to the gate of one of the houses, and pressed the button, but noone answered. So I jumped the wall. I dodged the dogs, by letting out a massive fart left over from the Fusions. Once inside the large house, I started combing through the cabinets. Thumbing through A-cup bras and thin panties, I notcied a plague with a platinum cd of The Globe Sessions, Shery Crow's third album.

While I was inspecting the fine craftsmanship of the frame, one of the maids walked in the room and screamed. A woman came ouf the bathroom yelling expletives. She had a mole on her mouth, and I swore I knew her from somewhere. It hit me that it was Sheryl Crow herself, and that I was rifling through her underwear drawer. She demanded to know what I was doing, but strickened with fear, all I could say was "all I want to is have some fun, I got a feeling I'm not the only one."

Unbeknownst to me, the maid called the cops, and when they arrived, they threw me against Ms. Crow's bedroom bearskin rug. Now I am in jail, and the press is saying I've been stalking her.

I plead not guilty by reason of insanity. The judge was a cubs fan, so he understood, and he found that the A's play caused temporary insanity, thus my actions were not my fault.

I wanted to give you the real story, becauase papers are saying I broke into her dressing room in NY. I want the people to know the truth. All I was doing was going through her lingerie, how harmless is that?

Anyway...

I have to stay in jail til I have a psych evaluation. So I'll keep writing as long as I can, and as long as I can break away from Creme Savers® Mixing Factory Pinball.

2003-10-07T01:35:00.000-04:00

My conversation with Miggie

Michael: The World Series ring is beyond our reach now.
Tejada: Forgive me, I did not see it. I have failed you all.
Michael: No, Miguel, you fought bravely! You have kept your honor.
Tejada: Leave it! It is over. The world of men will fall, and all will come to darkness and my city to ruin.
Michael: I do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you I will not let the white city fall, nor our people fail!

Miguel, Bobby Crosby will never be able to fill your shoes.

I know there is a 99 percent chance ur not coming back. I just want you to know I appreciate everything you have done. Unlike Giambi, I will root for you, wherever you go. I will miss you.

Be at peace son of Oakland.

2003-10-06T01:17:00.000-04:00

And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line

Take us home Zito. Take us home.

2003-10-05T00:04:00.000-04:00

Fuck Umpires, they suck.

(Give him hell Macha!)

This is my letter to the world.

Paul Emmel, Gerry Davis, Jim Joyce, and Bill Welke should all be hit over the head with a tackhammer.

Because they are retards.

I'm an A's fan, obviously my view will be slanted. But I listened to everyone else on TV for their opinions; the announcers of the game knew the call was bullshit, the boss of all the umpires (in attendance) knew it was crap (he was conveinently silenced by Selig), Bobby Valentine and Harold Reynolds think it was one of the biggest screw jobs of all time.

How many times must umps make stupid fucking calls.

By the way, the call in question, is the obstruction called on Mueller, that impeded Tejada from scoring.

Get this, he was called out. Despite the umpire calling the obstruction. I might not have been so familiar with that play, if it didn't fucking happen 4 innings ago, and there the Sox were awarded home plate. So fucking give Tejada home plate!

I don't know how umps can be so wrong. It makes no sense. Even if Oak eventually wins, Hudson has to pitch on 3-day rest and might fuck him up for the championship series.

I guess it's rather apropos that it's Britney Weekend, cuz everbody is getting screwed.

O godamn it, go Huddy!

Despite the loss, I feel I have to give a game ball to Lilly. He pitched better than I could have ever imagined. And better than Huddy and Zito. Yes, better.

2003-10-04T01:45:00.000-04:00

Britney Weekend

Needing a theme for the weekend and material for that matter, I have dedicated the first weekend in October to the pop/soft-core porn princess.

She's been romantically linked to my boy Colin Farrell. She lost her virginity to Justin Timberlake. She tongue kissed Madonna. She's the only woman I know who had a actor, a musican, and a mousketeer insider her in the span of 2 years. Impressive.

I don't like her much, but that's just my taste. But the rest of America does. Which brings me to the true nature of this Britney Spearks Weekend.

I'm not gonna lie to you, after I wrote the last post about search strings, I realized I could up my hits if I wrote about stuff people will search for. It's shameless, it's sad, it's even despicable. It's Mikey. I need visitors bad, even if it comes at a blow to my respectablity.

Black Guy: Uhhh...Britney, you're kinda nipping out there.
Britney: True.
Cameraman behind the bushes: Cha-Ching!

2003-10-03T15:06:00.000-04:00

Sick Search Strings

Like every bored blogger, with an average of ten hits a day, I have a lot of time on my hands. Concordantly, most of that time is spent checking everything your site tracker has to offer. Finding out the average screen resolution of your readers can be very time consuming. I'm telling you people, the only way to view this blog is 1024x768.

But definitely my favorite thing to do is read the sick ass seach strings some people type in, leading them, inexorably, to this website.

Most people don’t know how to read what I read, ergo, I offer up the five sickest search strings this blog has encountered in it's short life span.

5. "Nude ODU Girls"
-This one was from a little while ago, but still weird nonetheless. I am not even sure when I wrote about ODU, although I am sure I have typed Nude and Girls before. I feel sorry for this guy. He must go to ODU, and is living in the Chemistry planned dorm, and his only hope to see a nude college chick rests on if Playboy has ever done Babes of the CAA.

4. "Sandra Bullock Naked or Nude"
-This is very recent. Sandra Bullock naked is definitely not an uncommon search, but the "or" in this really gets me. Is there a difference between naked and nude? Well it’s good this guy left his options open. Who wants to see Sandra Bullock Naked, when she could be nude? I mean really, get serious.

3. "Pedophile Videos"
-I had a 55 year old student teacher for History in 9th grade. I'm pretty sure this is him.

2. "bitch where's my motherfucking change video where's my motherfucking change at bitch"
-Not much to say about this one. But he does pose quite a poignant question, where is my motherfucking change at bitch?

1. "Batman fucks Robin"
-Jason should have never gave Bean his own screen name.

In other news. A's beat the Sox, 5-1. My game ball goes to:

Barry Zito

2003-10-02T03:20:00.000-04:00

Bunt!!!

Sweet mother of everything that's good and pure. Thank You.

I do not live on the West Coast. It's not midnite here. It's nearing 3AM, I should be drowsy, but I have enough adrenaline to hold me over for 4 months.

A's-Sox. What seems to be like an endless string of innings, ends with a bunt single RBI!?!?

I think I may have woken up everybody in White Hall But I do not give a shit. That was the best game in Division series history...ever.

My legs and arms are shaking, I wish I could go to Network Associates coliseum and walk the parking lots. It must be wild and crazy.

What else is crazy, is deciding who to give my game ball too. Hudson pitched valiantly. Ramon Hernandez had the game winning RBI. Foulke held the Sox to zero runs for 3 innings and pitched like a god! But sadly, I can't give it to any of these clutch performers.

My game ball goes to:

Erubiel Durazo

Did you see his AB against Pedro? Plus, he got us two early runs. And 9th inning, 2 out, he sent the game into extras with a single. I gotta give the ball to the Latino Heat.

Tony Pierce. Chicago ain't the only miracle town.

2003-10-01T21:05:00.000-04:00

A Day in the Life of Colin Farrell

I wish I was like Colin Farrell. I would be rich, sexy, and noone would make fun of my unibrow.

I've talked about CF before and how god-like he is. But, I just saw a picture of his model girlfriend. And man...this guy is not god-like any more. He is a golden God.

(she's on the right)

I offer up a day in the life of the golden child. To show just how great his life is, and to further myself into self-loathing and depression.

1PM: Wake up. Tell Britney Spears she's got to get goin'.

2PM: Meet up with Joel Schumacher, film a three-way with Katie Holmes and Bridget Moynahan.

6PM: Drink, listen to girlfriend's belly, and have sex.

8PM: Go the bar, drink some more, and sing some Irish bar songs.

9-12PM: Blackout

1AM: Watch yourself on Conan.

2AM: Show Demi Moore where the clean towels are...

Of course, I do not want this life. I may have said "I wish I was like Colin Farrell." The keyword is like. If I would have said "I wish I was Colin Farrell," that would be a different story. But, I have a beautiful girlfriend and great friends. I have no reason to want to be somebody else. Even if that somebody else is making millions.

I am lonely now, and that's what causes these diversions into the imaginary.

This is Mikey. Still livin' the dream.

2003-10-01T12:56:00.000-04:00

LWM Mailbag

Letter Number 1
Jason, from the Waterslide, writes:

Is it just me or is that guy eating pho the asian version of corky from life goes on?

hmmmm...

Yes.

Letter Number 2
Holly, my girlfriend, who currently resides in Blacksburg, writes:

Excuse me Michael, but I don’t owe you ten bucks because of a bet about which was gonna be the bigger movie E.T. or Krush Groove. First of all I have never heard of Krush Groove and second it just never happened. Where did all this come from?? I want an explanation.

Krush Groove is a kick ass movie about Russel Simmons with cameos from Run DMC and other rap stars. It came out in 1985, so obviously this bet never took place. As for where I got this from; it is just a quote from Dogma. Seeing as you own it, I figured you would eventually realize what I was talking about. O, well.

I'm compiling a list of movies that I want to see. And for some reason I feel my readers need to have access to this list. Don't expect a kick ass logo for this, because my main man Lazo is still in possession of my copy of photoshop. Damn you man, Fed ex that sum bitch.

"Who's house? Run's House!"

2003-09-30T14:52:00.000-04:00

Major Oversight

Playoff's baby.

I was watching Sportscenter and Baseball Tonight (technically it should be Baseball Today) this morning, and I could practically smell the autumn leaves.

I love the Playoffs. I love the fact this is the time of the year, when people who don't even watch baseball realize it's the best sport in the world. I love the A's.

I hate the fact that noone in the world but me thinks they have a chance.

I hopped over to espn.com to check out expert preditcions, and found that only one person, just one, out of eighteen experts picked the A's to get out of the division series. They didn't even pick them to make it out of the Championship series. 17 of them thought the A's wouldn't get out of the first round.

I realize Oak town has some problems.

Mulder is gone. Our offense is a little lacking.

But they also have a massive upside.

Huddy/Zito are probably the best one-two combo in the Playoffs. Tejada has come around. Chavez is hitting like a god, and he kills righties. The Red Sox starting three pitchers are Martinez, Wakefield, and Lowe. All of them are righties.

So why the fuck did only one person pick them to get out of the first round. It boggles my mind. Everyone is in awe of Boston's explosive offense. But what good is an exposive offense, when Huddy and Barry are K'ing everyone up. You have to get the bat on the ball to hit. Peter Gammons, I thought at least you would have some faith.

Goddamn it, I'm complaing again. It's the mad sports fan inside me I guess.

A mad sports fan with his own picks:

AL Division Series
Yanks over Twins
A's over Sox

NL Division Series
Cubs over Braves
Giants over Marlins

ALCS
A's over Yanks

NLCS
Giants over Cubs

World Series
A's over Giants (Battle of the Bay! Steve get the tix, I'll meet you on the BART.)

Your MVP:

Huddy baby.

2003-09-28T22:52:00.000-04:00

Alias etc.

Alias kicks fucking ass.

I'm supposed to be an English major, but I can't come up with any better words to describe the sheer greatness of that show. Every episode is like a shot of adrenaline. The feeling is comparable to the feeling you get when you season your pho perfectly. You know, a squeeze of lemon, herbs, and the right amount of hot sauce and plum. I gotta go home...

I hope it doesn't become another Sports Night.

I hope I haven't written that same sentence before.

I hope I haven't written that I have written that same sentence before.

I hope nobody realizes that I am just stalling until I can find a reason for this post.

Well, I like the way JJ Abrams, the creator, is handling the show. He knows not a lot of people watch so he writes plot twists that satisfy the die hard fan and also serve to make the show easier to follow. The guy has got a lot of talent. He created Felicity, but we won't hold that against him. Although, I do acknowldege that it bred the creation of Jennifer Garner as the lead in Alias, it also bred the creation of Greg Grunberg. I hate that guy.

In other matters, the Rundown was the number one movie in America. Which leads me to believe I am not alone in wanting to see the latest Rock vehicle. Which makes me wonder: Am I slowly assimilating into the pop culture society I so despise?

I think I just want to see Christopher Walken.

That's gotta be it. It's gotta be.

"The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any of the slopes were gonna get their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you. "
-Christopher Walken, Pulp Fiction

I am envious of this man. Envious of his kick ass Tommy Hillfiger shirt, envious of his chopstick mastery, but most of all envious of his large order of pho...Pho 75 calls to me.

2003-09-27T23:30:00.000-04:00

Choices

Life is full of choices. For some, it's whether to go to work or take a holdiay for yourself. For OJ, whether to stab your wife to death or not.

For me, it was swallow my pride and see Secondhand Lions in order to see The Return of the King trailer, or go see a much more respectable and fufilling movie.

I chose the latter. The latter being Matchstick Men.

I'm glad I did.

I've been pining to see it for a while, but just never had the time to treat myself. It's a really good movie, with strong performances from Nicholas Cage and Alison Lohman (who I hear Jason digged up until he heard she isn't 14 as she is in the movie). And of course, a token awesome supporting peformance from Sam Rockwell. It seems George Clooney is still the only one that sees the leading potential in that God (I refuse to acknowledge that McG has the same vision). One detractor, and i'm not sure if it's a fault of the film, is that I kept thinking about As Good as it's Gets whenever the OCD stuff popped up. And it didn't help in the opening scene there's an inanimate dog shown watching (a trick of the camera) Nick Cage as he goes through his repertoire of nuances.

Overall, B.

As a little side note. If I ever could have the career of one director, it would be Ridley Scott's. The man is a god among insects.

And as another little side note, I was able to quell my abnormal yearning to see the Rundown. Holly thinks it isn't wierd, and that it looks like a good movie. This from the girl who still owes me ten bucks over that bet about which was gonna be the bigger movie E.T. or Krush Groove.

P.S. Rachel Helgerson provides mail, and a little advice on lifting my spirits.

" Just think about the end of May and how much fun we all will have."

Semper Fi...Semper Fi.

Ridley Scoot, Filmography.

2003-09-26T01:35:00.000-04:00

Instant Gratification

Lately, I've been feeling low.

I've been trying to search for the remedy to my blues. But the remedy is the experience...a dangerous liasion.

I finally went to Festival, and figured out it was better than PC Dukes. The chineese food blows ass, but blows ass is way better than the usual tastes like shit. But it was hardly the remedy.

I thought of ways to improve my blog. I did a lot researching into buying a digital camera, and I found a really good one, with a really good value. But there are two problems, my monetary funds are low and they would only ship it to my house in Arlington. I decided against it.

Some Devil was a pick me up, but not really a remedy. It was more like Chicken Soup for the soul...possibly Minestrone.

I played poker, with a 5 dollar buy in, with my suitemates. I went all-in with three jacks but lost to a straight, ace high.

Ugh.

After I was done wasting my money away, I get my laundry from the dryer, and realize I forgot to use dryer sheets. So as I am writing this, I am wearing shirts that are stiffer than the anime geek in the champagne room of Pussycats.

Send me some mail. Maybe someone can explain to me why I have this exigent desire to see the Rundown? Send me something that makes me feel good. Something I can use to start my viewer mail segment. Send me nude pics if you want. If you're a chick that is...well even, if you're a...no, just girls.

Well this is Mikey, and I'm just livin' the dream.

My brother meets Dushku's kin. And I'm stuck pining over a piece of metal. It's not fair.

2003-09-23T20:30:00.000-04:00

LiveDemoS

When I used to write for the Wakefield Chieftain, Mr. Lutz let me do Movie Reviews. He gave me the job basing it on the fact that you should write what you know.

That's why I am not gonna do a CD review of Dave Matthews' solo effort, Some Devil. Rather, I will go back to my roots. Back to the golden years, when Jason and I used to match each other post for post like we were Kasparov and Fischer, and everyone wanted to be you and me. I want to be too.

For a little blast from the past, here's Some Devil, ranked from best to worst (that term is used loosely).

1. Stay or Leave
2. Gravedigger
3. Save Me
4. So Damn Lucky
5. An' Another Thing
6. Too High
7. Oh
8. Up and Away
9. Some Devil
10. Baby
11. Grey Blue Eyes
12. Trouble
13. Dodo

This was a really tough rank. And don't let it fool you; the 12th song on this CD is better than a lot of singles out on the radio.

For potential buyers, let me offer up my best defense. Catchy fucking lyrics with super catchy guitar rhythms, culminate into a great solo effort from one of the best front men in the business.

2003-09-22T15:13:00.000-04:00

Words and Faces

I was born in a small town and I can breathe in a small town. I'm gonna die in a small town, thats probably where they will bury me.

So why does it piss me off everytime the big town gives out awards. Every year I watch the Emmys, Grammys, and Oscars and yell at the TV. The stupid fuckers at the academy, how can they judge movies when their heads are 3 yards up their pooper. If I had the will, I would go on a mass murdering spree. It would be tough for detectives to catch me, because my method of choosing my victims would be based on the fact that they picked Shakespeare in Love over Saving Private Ryan. I'm not saying I hate the voters, I just wish their mother's insurance included abortion.

But for the sake of current events, I guess I shall bitch on Ceremony number 2 in screwing deserving actors, the Emmys.

Last nite, I think I might have yelled at the TV more than a Bills fan, circa 1991-1994.

No, I can't moan and kvetch. On this blog I complain to much. And it seems like complaining is spreading on blogs like AIDs in a gay bar in Cape Town.

Instead, I offer up Emmy pictures, accompanied by a little caption detaling the highlights of last nites butt-fuck-athon.

Falco: This is very exciting. I never thought I would win. Hell, even I voted for Jennifer Garner.

Jennifer: (under her breath)We all know you should have won. Just keep smiling.

Damon: Why am I on? This isn't UPN

Joey Pants: Mom, are you making out with Peter Krause!?!

Me: Why I will have trouble getting an erection for the rest of my life.

2003-09-20T00:59:00.000-04:00

What the hell is going on here?

I can't wait to get a hold of my Entertainment Weekly, to read the comments of the most kickass roundtable, since I assembled Bean, Fabio, and Dirk Diggler in the same room...Too bad my EW is two hours away, in my brother's hands while he's taking a massive shit.

I was singing Stay or Leave to myself all day today, in hopes that Dave Matthews would sing it on his MTV special tonite. But, too bad he only sang two new songs. The special blew ass. Save me is pretty kick ass though, and I can see the lovely ladies and Dave rocking out to that shit one day. But, the dumbass MTV2 host asked him to end it with a classic song , which basically meant he wanted Dave to play "Crash into Me," so people in the audience could hear something they knew...But I digress, Stay or Leave is gonna be a bonafide hit, a song every person who has had their heart broken will put on and cry too. And when I say it's gonna be a hit, I really do mean it. A strong wind from the Hurricane slammed me to the wall, and the impact knocked something loose giving me the gift of foresight, kind of like Travolta in Phenomenon, except I didn't see any shooting star. I'd like to explain it better but it consists of a system of wormholes and quantum science that I don't want to bore my readers with.

I am leaving for Tech tomorrow, and wanted to leave a lyric that was appropriate for the post. But I already posted the lyrics to Stay or Leave. So here's another Dave song that expresses my feelings of late in the intimacy department.

"Spring sweet rhythm dance in my head
Slip into my lover's hands
Kiss me oh won't you kiss me now
And sleep I would inside your mouth

Don't be us too shy
Knowing it's no big surprise
That I will wait for you
I will wait for no one but you

Look please lover lay down
Spend this time with me
Together share this smile
Lover lay down

Walk with me, walk with you
Hold my hand your hands
So much we have dreamed
And you were so much younger
Hard to explain that we are stronger

A million reasons life to deny
Let's toss them away
See you and me we
Lay down look see
She and he
By my lover's side
Together share this smile
Each other's tears to cry
Together share this smile
Lover lay down

Oh please
Look please lover lay down
Oh please lover lay down
And you weep
Lover lay down
Cause it's over
Lover lay down
Say lover, say lover, say lover, say lover, say lover
Could I love you
Could you love me
Darling it's
All the same
'Til we dance away
Chasing me all around
Leading me all around
Leading me all around in circles
Say..."
-Dave Matthews, Love Lay Down

2003-09-19T00:43:00.000-04:00

Odds and Ends

First order of business, Tony Pierce, is a veritable god among insects.

Second order of business, get the wheels turning on the revival of "Finding Ragnar."

Third order, get in a fight with madpony, and then reap the benefits of a link on their website. I mean seriously, is it wrong to want someone to end up like Christopher Reeve. Or at least be the victim of a freak trampling incident. Yeah, probably.

Anyway...

Odds

All my friends attend the thrashing of Texas A&M, in rain that can only be called a light sprinkle.

Ends

With Isabel's eye fixed on Harrisonburg, she proceeds to tear up White Hall, Michael's home, like a kleenex at a snot party.

2003-09-18T15:24:00.000-04:00

"There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief,
"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief."
-Bob Dylan, All Along the Watchtower

See that picutre? Harrisonburg is right in the epicenter, in the 6-10 inch rain section. How am I coping. By being really fucking scared. It doesn't help when it's basically me and my roomate left in our entire hall. And that everyone I talk to thinks I'm being a wimp (even the people I most want to give me comfort).

You know what? Fuck you Isabel, you sweet bitch. I wish I had my mastiff Bean with me. Not for protection, just so I wouldn't be the only one shitting in my pants.

Good things do come out of bad. My classes were canceled for today and tomorrow. I love those three little letters, PPD. And thats exactly what my first big test in Psychology is.

Countdown to Alias: 10 Days!!!

2003-09-18T00:18:00.000-04:00

Lost in Translation

One of my favorite TV shows of all time was Due South. It was the show where a constable for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police who first comes to Chicago on the trail of the killers of his father, and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, remained attached as liaison to the Canadian Consulate.

What was I talking about?

O ya, well here in hickvile, I feel just like Constable Fraser. Totally out of fucking place. And the worst part is I can't see Lost in Translation, a movie that is presenting the possibility of an Academy Award for Bill Murray. Something he should've got for Rushmore. Anyway, because I'm livin' in po-dunkville, all I can see is movies featuring Johnny Depp (I ain't knocking Depp)

This movie is directed by Sofia Coppola, who directed The Vigin Suicides. Which sounds like a movie about nerds in their 20s. But seriously, from the buzz of this movie, it looks like she becoming more like her father, and less like her brother.

And there's Scarlett:

2003-09-16T23:55:00.000-04:00

"You see this crazy man decided not to breathe
He turned red and blue - purple, colorful indeed
No matter how his friends begged and pleaded the man would not concede
And now he’s dead you see the silly man should know you got to breathe

But oh God
Under the weight of life
Things seem brighter on the other side

Oh God
Under the weight of life
Things seem so much better on the other side

No way, no way
No way out of here"
-Dave Matthews, Big Eyed Fish

2003-09-14T22:54:00.000-04:00

Rotation Consternation

Last nite, while I was home, I decided to stay up as long as I could in hopes of catching the Gravedigger video on TV. Flipping back and forth between MTV and VH1 in the wee hours of the night, my tall glass of tea grew low, as did my spirits. At 2AM I came to the realization that MTV only shows rap videos at nite.

Warning: Culturally insensitive material abound!

Why the hell would they play rap videos at nite. Aren't most black people out at clubs or robbing convenience stores? It makes no sense, I know of no African American male, who on a Saturday nite, is watching MTV to catch the "Shake Ya Tailfeather" video. The MTV execs are idiots. They must be basing the heavy rap rotation on the fact that most KFCs close at midnite.

And while MTV was busy with their shit, VH1 was showing a Bob Marley special. Bob Marley is a genius. But I don't need someone to break down "Jammin" for me; I think I figured out what that was about.

Finally at 3am, came a ray of hope. Insomiac theater on VH1, with normal videos! I sat through a Santana/Alex Band piece of crap and some other videos, and finally Dave Matthews.

But it was the Dave Matthews Band, and it was the "Everyday" video. *sigh* Don’t trust the hope, they have forsaken these lands. It's a good video, but not what I was looking for, so I must press on.

3:30, after watching a Christina Aguilera video for the second time (did she get implants?), a beacon of hope appears. MTV plays a Hilary Duff video. It isn't rap, but it still sucks. But if it's not rap, it could be Dave Matthews. That was my deduction. In watching Lizzie Maguire become a woman before my eyes, I wondered what sick mind put this on this late. My guess is MTV is going for the middle age pedophile demo. That, or the confused 13 year old girl, fingering her cooch, wondering why Lizzie's see through top is making her tingle. Maybe both.

Still no Gravedigger.

After, watching Maroon five, I decided to give up. I expect Gravedigger came on right after I turned off the TV, followed by "Crazy in Love" for the 9th time in 3 hours.

2003-09-12T12:16:00.000-04:00

"So much death."
-Bernard Hill, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

After yesterday, I decided to go to EW again, to see if I could get more juicy news like the Batman story yesterday. Upon entering the site I was struck with the headline, "Johnny Cash dies at 77."

Now, I'm not gonna lie to you and say I am familiar with all his work. But I know the man is a legend, everyone should know that. Not one person in their lifetime hasn't hummed, "He went down down down in a burning ring of fire." It's just not possible. It made me start thinking of the MTV awards, and something I forgot to mention amidst the lesbian kisses. I neglected to talk about the fact that the best video didn't win (although that happens every year). I saw the Cash video and it haunts me to this day. And the video lost to Missy Elliot. The Johnny Cash video made my blood turn cold, and all Missy's did was give me weird bowel movements. I mean, honestly, all she did was but an 11 year old in sweats and made her dance, and I'm pretty sure it was R Kelly's idea. And does it creep anybody else out when they see a 4th grader dancing to the lyric "Call before you come, I need to shave my chocha."

It's stupid of me to say that winning the award would have made him died happier. In the grand scheme of things, it's nothing. But don't you think it would have warmed his heart just a little bit to know the young crowd appreciated his work. But no, the plague of immaturity and youth rears its ugly head and votes for Timberlake and a fat black chick. It's sad. I can see a dumb 17 year old right now reading the headlines, "I've seen that name before, didn't JT talk about him!?!" Well what that Mickey Mouse fuck doesn't know, is that in some weird way, he didn't share the award with Johnny Cash. He should've been a fucking man, and did what Ving Rhames did, when Rhames gave his golden globe to Jack Lemmon. He should have went up there and told the kids they are stupid ignorant fucks, and that he was giving his award to the rightful winner. But Justin is as young as the people who gave him the award. And just as fucking stupid.

Sorry about that tangent.

When I was done reading the article, I noticed another headline. David Letterman is having a baby. This is awesome news. Letterman have been grumpy as of late (taking Fridays off, and maybe this will mellow him out. I just don't hope it doesn't prompt him to step down.

Then my eye wandered to the sidebar, and I noticed this sad headline, "John Ritter collapses on set, dies at 54."

So much death.

And now maybe Ritter hasn't had such a heralded career as Cash, but the guy was great. My mood today started at fine, and by this time it was at an all time low. I'm gonna miss this guy more than I realized. I loved Three's Company. And he did some fine work one of my favorite shows, Wings. He's often not credited with praise on his movie work. But he did some good supporting work in Sling Blade and Tadpole. I believe he was one of the greatest gifts of comedy. I'll miss him.

It's funny, stories of death interspersed with news of new life. "Every new beginning, comes from some other beginning's end."

Johnny Cash 1932-2003
John Ritter 1948-2003

Be at peace.

I need to listen to Dave Matthews.

2003-09-11T22:15:00.000-04:00

I'm Batman!

I guess you can rule out Bond.

Today, I headed over to ew.com, to find that Christian Bale is the next Batman. He was chosen by the director Christopher Nolan. My interest was already sparked by Nolan getting on board, but with Bale jumping in, the movie has my full blown attention.

The franchise is kinda dead. The Schumacher ones blew. I mean Batman Forever, wasn't bad. But have you seen that Batman & Robin piece of shit. Gotham city looks like that weird ass town Jude Law and Haley Joel Osment visit in A.I. I thought Gotham was supposed to be riddled with crime, not herpes. And those one liners the Governor, er, Arnold gave were the worst ever. Freeze! Chill out!Tonight, hell freezes over! Cool down! Akiva Goldsman wrote the script for that movie. Which creeps me out. Goldsman wrote A Beautiful Mind. Isn't that fuckin' mind boggling? Well, I guess it makes sense, they're both award winning movies. A Beautiful Mind won best picture, Batman & Robin won best movie found in my stool from March 2001-May 2002. Quite an impressive feat, actually.

Back to the new Batman movie. I'm really excited. Nolan is one of my favorite "up & coming directors." And Bale, well, let's just say I went to see that dragon movie just because of him. That's dedication.

2003-09-09T21:12:00.000-04:00

Familiar Faces

In my last post I decided to give you a sneek peek of what new things you can expect from Life with Mikey. This post will be about none of them. Sorry.

Well, let me get one out of the way. The speed of Tampa Bay's defense has an adverse effect on the offense of the opposing team. Allow me to present this equation: Defense + Joe Jurevicious = Win. That takes care of one of them.

Back to the real reason of this post. During my time here, I have moaned, kvetched, and defamed. No more of that stuff...well, there's still gonna be defaming. But that won't take away from the true reason for this post. This post is intended to enlighten. There are several teachers and one student (who you all know), who look like people my readers know. So to better understand what it is like here at JMU, I give you:

People who look like People.

Name: Brandon Schultz
How I know him: My Psy teacher
Looks like: Sean Bean
Cool-Meter (out of 10): 8
Bio: This guy is a cool guy. Although I took this class in High school, he keeps me interested. He talks about his college days a lot and always uses alcohol to give us examples of psychology terms...which is cool and weird. I keep waiting for him to pull out the horn of Gondor.

Name: Michelle Brown
How I know her: My English teacher
Looks like: Rachel Helgerson
Cool-Meter: 7
Bio: She is growing on me. She's pretty stylish and very personable (like a woman Mr. Rogers). She says we don't have to be politically correct in that class. Which I take to mean that my Michael J. Fox jokes will be allowed in my essays. I just hope she realizes that I will never ever like an English teacher. And considering those facts she is doing pretty damn good.

Name: Kaleb
How I know him: English classmate
Looks like: Tom Welling crossed with the uber-fag from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
Cool-Meter: -5
Bio: Dude, not much to say, that hasn't already been said. His voice is like a fat lady in tight clothing, unpleasant. I can't believe out of all the people in the world this fuck had to be an English major. I'm sure we will cross paths again because of that shit. Everytime he opens his mouth I feel like I am listening to Steve Kmetko.

Name: Henry Myers
How I know him: My History teacher
Looks like: He is breathing his last breath
Cool-Meter: 5
Bio: I am not trying to say he is old. I am just saying I know some dirt celebrating younger birthday.

Note: I don't have a predjuice against old people. I just wish that he wasn't so hunched, he's lecturing the floor on the Neolithic era. It's just sorta creepy, in a Fenster sort of way.

2003-09-05T16:19:00.000-04:00

I wrote this post once before, and it got deleted. I am sure it's lost some of the magic from the first time. Curse Blogger!

"Frodo. The Aragornath. Long have I desired to look upon the kings of old, my kin."
-Viggo Mortensen, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

I've had similar desires recently. It's because of my brother Jason, actually. A little while ago he planted the seed of return in me. He told me of his longings to go back to Oakland, a place where we spent most of our childhood years. In hearing him talk of San Leandro, the market, the marina, I found myself realizing that missed it a lot too. When in France, I saw things that reminded me of Oakland (as odd as that may seem). Streets and houses, with the backdrop of mountains and forests reminded me of the valley where my grandmother would get her haircuts. Watching Oakland games on TV makes me reminisce about old Oakland Coliseum (now, unceremoniously, Network Associates Coliseum). I remember stepping out onto the concourse as a little kid and seeing grass that couldn't be more greener, and being utterly breath taken. We managed to go on a great day, because young ones were allowed to go on the field and pitch off the mound. I remember being the only one of my age to throw a perfect strike, the others couldn't even get it to the catcher. These triggers, they only serve to scratch the surface of my nostalgia.

My mom was mugged there, my brother and I got in a fight with some people that required the police to come, our house was robbed, but everday I wish I could go back.

Anyway, like I said in the last post, I am gonna be gone for the weekend. Expect more Mikey when I get back. Here's a taste of things to come from Life with Mikey:
-A new "Up and Coming Animals" segment
-An analysis of the Bucs win over the Eagles
-A videogame segment
-Free Candy
-A viewer mail segment (barring if I ever get any)
-And much, much more...

I'm letting you guys into my world. Bolt the door if you're coming in.

Come away, o human child!
To the waters and the wild,
With a faery hand in hand,
For the world's more full of weeping
Than you can understand...
-W.B.Yeats, The Stolen Child

2003-09-05T00:45:00.000-04:00

Jets lose to the Jets?

Redskins have made a habit of losing opening games. So what did they decide to do? Get enough players from another team, in that they won't even be the Redskins, thus negating the curse....Pretty damn smart if you ask me. I guess it was just weird seeing the leading receiver for the Redskins being Coles and the game winning kick hit by Hall to beat the Jets. Crazy. Did you ever see that Twilight Zone where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn't die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? It's kind of like that.

The real meaning of this post is to tell my 4, bordering on 5 fans, that I will be gone for the weekend, and probably won't be able to post (the real head scratcher is, my fans already know this, because my only fans, are the people I am going to see). I lost myself. O ya, I'll be at V-tech to see my JMU Dukes get basically raped. And after that butt-fuck-a-thon of a blowout, we're gonna hang out til Sunday. I am quite exctied. I actually have a couple other predictions. I hope it may be the beginning a new segment at Life With Mikey.

I call it Bold Predictions:

-I will break down at least twice in Blacksburg, realizing all the fun I have been missing out on.
-In Tech newspapers, the ease of beating JMU will be likened to the ease of beating Michael J. Fox in a game of Operation (cue the hate mail).
-Nick, Holly, and Ghost Nig will realize how much better JMU is and transfer here. This decision coming right after the Devil buys ice skates and air traffic controllers report airborne pork.
-New stains will appear on my bed when I get back.
-Jason's computer will not come. In it's place, a Sports Illustrated Football phone.
-Rachel will accidentally consume a slice of salami. Then realize what she's been missing out on, her and Lazo will tear Burger King up like a kleenex at a snot party
-And finally, noticing the anal rape at the JMU/Tech game, Kaleb runs out on the field with a JMU jersey on.

I'd have so many enemies if people only listened to me.

2003-09-04T01:31:00.000-04:00

A Beautiful Mind

Many of the hardcore fans of Liz Phair were mad when she said she wanted to make a Pop Album. Fuck those, girl empowerment, hardcore Lilith Fairgoers, that can't understand that she just wanted to have fun. I skipped the EW review of the cd (I do realize it came out quite a while ago) but I remember it got an A-. And I think I realize why. Read these lyrics:

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you, and we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

This is, this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we are, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my head's spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

I'd love for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
I'd love for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
for this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
-Liz Phair, Why Can't I

Those lyrics are fucking awesome. Aggie and Britney should take notice. Instead of always writing about a guy and missing him or wanting him, or wanting to miss him, or missing wanting him....or whatever they right about, maybe they should try writing about something interesting.

I may not be able to relate to the lyrics. Because I don't want anyone but my girlfriend, but Liz definitely makes me feel what it would be like to want someone else. And you know, that's what some music should do. They should make us feel things we might never feel. Ms. Phair you are a god.

And that line I bolded. Brilliant.

2003-09-03T14:51:00.000-04:00

What you are

I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there? ... Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different.
-Guy Pearce, Memento

I've been using that quote on my away message for the past couple days. Not because of any relevant meaning. It just sounds really cool. I had it up today, and I read it again. And I realized it does make some sense. Let's see if I can get you guys to understand why.

I was wrong about my English teacher. She is a really cool lady. It's the students that are horrible. There are two students in there...let's just say I'd rather let the fat chick from designing woman fart on my face than hear them speak.

Let's start with the worst of the two. Kaleb. This guy is so idiotic. I should have realized when I first saw this kid in my Freshman advising session that god would bless (loosely used word) me by putting him in one of my classes. Then the first day of English, we are all sitting outisde the classroom, and I hear that fuck. Let me get this out of the way. He's gay. Now there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion. I like gay people. Without them we wouldn't have Trading Spaces, the WNBA, and the Met's wouldn't have a catcher. But this guy is like the most annoying gay person alive. When we were waiting for Ms. Brown, he was all like "I emailed the teacher before class to get the book list, and read them all during the summer. I am all about books." I am all about books? I like soy sauce, but I don't go to Fortune and turn to my dad and say I am all about Soy Sauce. And he always refers to books we haven't got to yet just to remind the teacher that he read ahead. In my head, I'm usually going, "you pretentious fuck, I wish Chris Guest was here!"

Then there is a person I can only call the new Karen (only Nick knows what I am talking about). She is so bad at faking intelligence. I'm not sure her real name but I am sure her initials spell SOB. The worst part is that she employs what I like to call cyclical knowledge. She knows one thing, and tries to apply it to every answer. Apparently somewhere along the line, someone taught her the notion of "to each its own." So she uses that phrase in every fucking answer, and I hope Brown realizes this, because it's pretty damn funny. And often, her answer will be completely wrong, and Brown will correct her, then she'll be like "we'll ya, of course that too." I want to pull a Chris Tucker and turn around, and say "what the hell did you just say?" To top it off yesterday, she started an answer like this, "I hate to sound like the adult of the group." The adult. Thats like Carrot Top saying he hates to be the most talented of the group. *sigh*

Mirrors. These people are mirrors. They remind me of who I am, by showing me exactly what I am not. You know, their good for that, but I just wish they would just go away.

Parting shot: I remember something Tim O'Brien (who looks a lot like Sloane from Alias) said in our closing ceremonies of Orientation. He hates how books are over anaylzed. I think he said something like "You suck the life out of the book." I think myself pretty astute in the area of English but I always thought it weird that I hated the class so much. I think I know why now. I subscribe to the Tim O'Brien school of thought. I hate over anaylzing books. I wish they would just let great books be. Just let us read them, and get the hell out of it's way.

2003-09-01T12:40:00.000-04:00

Jason: Why haven't you posted?
Michael: Lack of inspiration.
Jason: Write about the chode.

Ode to the Chode

Roaming the garden
Navigating
The chode is young and virile
He sees everything
His eyes sharp
The chode is a hunter
In the distance he spots two cats
A striking female and her boyfriend
The chode stands still
Then suddenly attacks
He leaves the male unscathed
By the way
The Chode is Gay

Fin.

2003-08-29T12:25:00.000-04:00

I was wrong about God

He does love me. And he pours down his love on everyone. How do I know? My girlfriend is coming down today and I'm bouncing off the walls again.

Well, that and...

Let's get one thing straight, I am in love with my girlfriend, and noone turns me on like her. But this was great and totally made up for the shitty awards last year. (note to self: start I hate Jimmy Fallon fanclub)

Well I am gonna get a head start on my website counterpart, the waterslide, and post all the highlights of the opening act. That's right you get Madonna kissing Britney, Madonna kissing Christina, Madonna feeling up Britney and Christina, and all the highlights of the barely legal lesbian action (i learned from the best).

We have a Britney kiss and a Christina kiss. When does Mandy get into the action?

2003-08-28T15:57:00.000-04:00

EW Withdrawl

I am losing touch with the world. Culturally, that is.

I miss my EW. I miss opening up the first couple of pages to find who Russel Crowe beat up, to see what bar Colin Farrell was last at, or to see who Christina Aguilera is nailing (but then again I hate reading the long stories). So, I've been relegated to going to the EW site. It is quite comprehensive. But it still only feels like I'm chewing a half a piece of nicotine gum.

I stumbled on to a story that I thought was quite interesting. It seems that the CIA has approached Jennifer Garner to appear in one of their recruitment videos. I for one think this is a fabulous idea.

If I'm in college and I've been debating whether to go in to law or the CIA, and the CIA sends me a tape of Jennie in skimpy clothes, my bags would be packed before the tape was over. I like what the CIA is thinking. But why should it stop there?

I think when Playboy needs more writers, they should get Victoria Sylvesdt to do a promo video. She could be drinking wine in the grotto and telling would be writers the "perks" of being on the PB team.

They could get Laura Dern, in cutoffs, telling nerdy kids why they should go into Paleontology. For woman, or gay men, they could have David Scwhimmer do it.

Beaches could get Gena Lee Nolin to speak to young lifeguards. To solidify the male crowd's involvement, she would give this speech while jogging.

Or if a Housewife is feeling neglected, the pussy-whipped bitch Ben Affleck could get in front of the camera.

The possiblites are endless.

Sign me up!

2003-08-27T16:09:00.000-04:00

The board is set, and the pieces are moving...But the enemy has the move, and he is about to open his full game. And pawns are likely to see as much of it as any, Peregrin son of Paladin, soldier of Gondor. Sharpen your blade!
-Gandalf

2003-08-27T00:41:00.000-04:00

Don't you understand that everything I do, I do it for you? Anything that might be special in me, is you?"
-Ethan Hawke, Great Expectations

Today I had my last batch of classes. My music in general culture teacher was really kick ass. He mad us listen to this piece by Messiaen called "Le Quatuor pour la fin du Temps ." It gave me a lot of good movie soundtrack ideas. Needless to say, I liked his class. My English teacher blows. She is like my 12th grade teacher mixed with a hippy, mixed with Meridith Baxter-Birney. She seems to be a pretty big feminist. And plus, I took World Literature to study works from around the world. Not to focus just on African Lit. Not that there is anyting wrong with literature from Africa. But I was just hoping to get a taste of stuff from all over the globe like the name of the class implies. My psychology teacher is awesome. Good teacher to have after English, something to lift my spirits. He was funny, and he just went out of his way to be approachable and cool.

But lets get back to the beginning of the post.

I know my last like 9 posts have been about me and my girlfriend withdrawl, and I'm sure its starting to bore you. So I'll try to make this one of the last ones. But I had a real bad day, and I must get it off my shoulders.

In the aforementioned Psychology class, there was girl two rows in front of me with hair just like Holly's. It was insane. She was wearing a spaghetti strap shirt, just like one of Holly's. She was wearing these sky blue flip-flops, that if I didn't know any better I would'v ethought that she stole straight from Holly's closet. But let's get back to the hair. My weakness. Well that and legs. But still a weakness. I'm like every character in "Their Eyes Were Watching God." I am a sucker for the shampoo commercials where the woman takes her hair out of a towel and shakes it from side to side.

From the back all I could see was Holly. The first time I saw it, I swore that Holly had come down to JMU and to surprise me she was sitting in one of my classes. For three minutes straight I stared with a disallusioned hope that my love was right there. I almost fell out of my chair. I almost started crying. I was emotionally wrecked everytime my mind would remind myself that wasn't her to the point where the guy next to me asked if I was ok.

So after this incident, and the class was over, I was so ready to talk to my Honey. It was gonna be the highlight of my night. I was looking forward to it, like a kid looks forward to his brand new red bike he is expecting for Christmas. Then we had a 2 hour fire drill. Then I played ping pong, but my anticipation never waned. And then I got to talk to her. Due to a snafu talking to her friend on the computer, I thought she was mad at me. When seh called she said she wasn't mad and I was so happy to talk to her.

Once again, going back to the beginning of the post. Let's talk about expectations. Have you ever had a great day. And then you tried to recreate it by bringing the same people and doing the same thing, but it never turns out like you remembered it, and the magic was never rekindled.

Well anyway, I wanted to have such a great time on the phone with Holly. But somehow she managed to do everything I hate. I guess no fault to her, it just happened that way. I have a really hard time with people not believing me. Before I left for college I had my mom told me that she never thought I would go to college. I 've had my dad my whole life think everytime I pitched well that it must have been a fluke. Noone ever believes in me. Whenever Holly asks me to tell her why I love her, one of the things I always tell her is that it's because she understands the misunderstood parts of me. And this may be the one thing she doesn't get. And it pisses me off when the one person I want to believe in me doesn't, even if its in the most inane things. I just want her too. The funniest/sad part is that she didn't believe that I would remember why I was mad at her. Well, maybe it's good I wrote this down. I guess I would have never remembered if I didn't. Because I am just not that smart enough!

There was other things. Like doubting that I wanted to talk to her, getting mad at me for no reason, but I think my problem with people having faith in me is what got me the most. And everytime I thought it was gonna get better she would say something like, "ya whatever."

I think I might be the most courteous man on the world. "Nice guys finished last." Thats what the guy at PC Dukes said to me when I let another girl have the last chicken sandwich and didn't get a thank you. I looked in that middle aged man's eyes and realized he had walked that road before. I think I should stop being so nice. It's never reciprocated. And I never see any karma from it. All the jerks here are the ones that bring chicks back to their dorm. I'm not saying that's my goal, I just don't understand it. Anyway, I'm just not sure why I always stand there holding the door for twenty other people when there is a door ahead of me always closing...

In closing, this has no bearing on how much I love my girlfriend. If anything I love her more. And hope to talk to her tomorrow if I can. I surely can't go more downhill from here. I just hope she knows that everything that might be good in me, is her...

2003-08-24T19:40:00.000-04:00

Dark have been my days of late

I can't shake the memory of that dream (see last post). Never have I a dream so vivid. Never has it been so easy for me to retrieve it from my memory. It haunts me like a relatives death.

I now know how Boromir fealt in Lothlorien. In such a wonderful, beautiful, new place, he could find no rest.

Aragorn: Take some rest. These borders are well protected.
Boromir: I will find no rest here. I heard her voice inside my head. She spoke of my father and the fall of Gondor. She said to me, even now, there is hope left, but I cannot see it. It is long since we had any hope. My father is a noble man, but his rule is failing, and our people lose faith. He looks to me to make things right and I would do it. I would see the glory of Gondor restored. Have you ever seen it, Aragorn? The White Tower of Ecthelion, glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver, its banners caught high in the morning breeze. Have you ever been called home by the clear ringing of silver trumpets?
Aragorn: I have seen the White City, long ago.
Boromir: One day, our paths will lead us there and the tower guard will take up the call: The Lords of Gondor have returned!

Does anyone remember that scene in Memento?

2003-08-23T17:24:00.000-04:00

It's crazy, I'm thinking, just knowing that the world is round,
And here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right-side-up or upside-down,
Is this real or am I dreaming?

I remember when I was in my psychology class in 11th grade and we hastily glossed over dream meanings. While I do remember the glossing, I don't remember anything we learned. Maybe something about dreams of death and falling and all that jazz. But after the doozy I had last nite, I wish I had taken a dream meanings class.

Maybe my readers can make something out of this one.

It's been several hours since I woke up so bare with me...In the dream I find myself falling deeply in love with my actual dream woman of my yesteryears, Lisa Loeb. We start getting hot and heavy but I become startled with the realization that I love Holly. I am faced with a choice. And in the dream, I choose to be with Lisa. We go to the beach and start living it up in the sun. Somehow, remember this is a dream, it really doesn't always makes sense, I find a letter Holly has written to her parents, where she expresses her sadness that I left her. And then I feel a great swell of sadness in realizing I have ruined the one thing in my life, and I go back to her. Thats about all I remember, save an encounter with her parents where they yell at me.

I have several ideas about what this all means. It could have something to do with the fact that I am going to college, and I have to pick college over her and I know the sadness I am inflicting by doing so. Or it could have something to do with my fear that she will find someone better, except in the dream it was me finding someone better (although I know I never will find anyone better than her, thats just a fact, it's like saying you could find someone better than an Ethiopian to run a marathon).

Well those are my thoughts, but I was hoping you could give me your thoughts. Email me your interpretations at chinmj@jmu.edu. I'll put the best ones in an upcoming post.

2003-08-23T01:22:00.000-04:00

College Day III (technically IV)

I did a lot of walking today. Tore up D-hall like a kleenex at a snot party. I had a lot of time to think while I was stuffing my face. I thought about God, his plan, why we're here, and what the meaning of life was. And I have came to a conclusion. There is a god, and I'm not him.

Well I did realize one other thing. He hates me. Do you know how I have come to learn this piece of knowledge? There are signs all over the place.

Evidence 1: I miss Holly a lot, so God constantly reminds me that I am away from her by hinting at her in some way, shape, or form.
-Holly is the name of one of the parking lots in the hospital.
-For some reason the first song I heard when setting my radio was "Forever and For Always." Let's just say there is a history of us and that song.
-Apparently every other girl here is named Holly. And I am always around when they call for her.
-Short Shorts. Short Shorts everywhere.

Evidence 2: He sent everyone I know to Tech.
-Thats just a fact.

Evidence 3: Fuck, have you been outside.
-It's hotter than Mogadishu.

Me and God are like Pea's and...Catsup.

You know what I miss the most. I miss how when my girlfriend gets a haircut, it's perfectly shoulder length, and when she turns her hair bounces up and down. The hair bounce, it's an underated sexy part of a woman. The hair has to curl up a bit at the end of her hair. And she has to smile when she turns and looks at you. All the girls here try to do it, but nooone is quite as good as Holly.

2003-08-22T00:31:00.000-04:00

Immediate musings envoked from last posT

1. I'm a worrier. Not in an OCD kinda way. But after watching Anger Management, and those who have seen it will understand, I feel like Adam Sandler. And I'll be goddamned. I worry a hell of a lot about my Marisa Tomei.

2. This guy who lives next door kicks ass. He just played the opening to Satellite. Too bad he pulls a Houdini act during the day.

3. LeBron James is set for life.

4. The myriad of pictures around my computer area only make me more sad.

5. The Cheat is a handsome man.

6. The Shawshank Redemption is my life.

7. Life will get better. Or like the Chris Issak song, Life will go on.

8. PC Dukes is better than D-Hall.

9. "Little Mickey Carson '67 to '75
He rode his bike like the devil till the day he died
When he grows up he wants to be Mr. Vertigo on the flying trapeze
1940 to 1990.... two"
-Dave Matthews, Gravedigger

2003-08-21T23:49:00.000-04:00

College Day II

"Sometimes after work I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake just might show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doing okay and making new friends. I have trouble sleeping at night. I have bad dreams, like I'm falling. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am. Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Foodway, so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus."
-James Whitmore, The Shawshank Redemption

P.S. For my more lazy readers, who skipped to here, I feel like crap. Like a regular Bumbling Buckner.

2003-08-21T00:14:00.000-04:00

New Beginnings

I, Mikey, am leaping into unknown territory. College. Today was my first day, and it was not without greetings from my emotions from every end of the spectrum. I met up with anxiousness, I had coffee with fear, I spent a good deal of time with melancholy, and I have made good friends with excitement. There is really not a lot of things I can say about my time. I feel like Joel and Ethan Coen, venturing into mainstream Hollywood.

My days leading up til Monday are supposed to be fun-filled, with an "American Hi-Fi" concert as the climax. But honestly, I rather hate my orientation. I mean a lot of hard work was put into it. And I know it must be the most comprehensive of any college...anywhere. But for right now, I will partake in the festivities, and try to make as many friends as possible. Because right now I feel like a convicted jaywalker, spending a nite in OZ.

"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend."
-Morgan Freeman, The Shawshank Redemption

2003-07-24T12:54:00.000-04:00

French Connection

I'm gonna be away in France for the next ten days, so I guess my 2 faithful readers, bean and fabio will have to be without my voice. And after checking out my tracker and seeing the sick crap you guys look up on search engines that mistakenly lead you here...Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here.

And when your looks have gone and you're alone
How many nights you sit beside the phone
What were the things you wanted for yourself
Teenage ambitions you remember well
-Asia, Heat of the Moment

2003-07-17T16:40:00.000-04:00

Hell hath freezen over

Hitler is putting earmuffs on as we speak.

But up on the topside, as those hell dwellers call it, I am doing the dance of joy. Why, you might ask? Because I was on DVDangle.com, a great site that I might be losing soon. And while perusing, I found on their list of upcoming DVDs that they had moved The Iron Giant: Special Editon to "In Production." Faster than you can say Periwinkle, I went on a yahoo search, and much to my delight on DVD.Ign I found that it is coming out on August 26th, and after marking my calendar, I lept into the air, like Michael Jordan after winning one of his championships.

I guess in all my melancholy regarding losing everyone I care about when I go to college (absolutely everybody), this was god upstairs going, "I guess I'll give him this one."

Thanks man.

Giant: I... fix.
Hogarth Hughes: Giant?
Giant: Hogarth, you stay. I go. No following.
Hogarth Hughes: I love you.

2003-07-15T17:42:00.000-04:00

Tough Crowd with Mikey

Mikey: Ok, in our final segment we'll give our guests a chance to speak, on the topic of...webblogging. First, Ragnar.

Ragnar: Thanks Mikey, thanks for the heads-up on the Hulk. That movie was fucking awesome. Anyway, I love webblogging, except lately people have been hacking into my blog, but besides that one anomoly, I like it a lot. I love hearing from all my adoring fans. Well some can be annoying. I have to answer endless emails from TLJ geeks or just nerds in general, with questions like "in level five of dungeons of despair, is there a way to get out of the dungeon without the wizard key?" I really wish Jason would stop asking me that one.

Tony Pierce: I don't know anything about blogging. I just reuse old styles over and over again.

Mad Pony: Ditto. But I guess it's not even a blog anymore seeing as my hot sister never posts anymore.

Jason: Blogging...Man I love blogging. Blogging is like fucking a hot celebrity (awkward silence). All I have to do is reference Baja Bean in at least every fifth post and then make a post with a naked picture of the celebrity "it" girl, and make sure to have "naked (insert name here)" exactly written in the post in order to get google searches to get exact matches.

Mikey: I'm gonna take the high road on this one. All you guys do is make dick jokes and post naked celebrities pics and get lots of hits. I'm just gonna end this post with...uncomfortable silence.

2003-07-14T15:17:00.000-04:00

Ode to the Beach

The week that was
A memory slowly dying
Of the beach so great
I just may start crying

Every part so great
Even the sand between my toes
Every part so wonderful
It comes as quickly as it goes

I’ll miss the freedom
No parent telling me what to do
I’ll miss the movie nites
Watching Memento with the crew

I can’t express how great it was
When I reminisce I sometimes purr
For I realize what the best part was
Spending everyday with her

2003-07-02T14:53:00.000-04:00

Only Lonely

My girlfriend is visiting her grandmother in Missouri, and will be gone for a week.

I miss her so much. I am so used to spending everyday with her. I feel like a smoker trying to quit cold turkey. Every time I use the herbal essences shampoo we both shared while we were at the beach, a great swell of depression hits me like smoke oozing up into a ceiling. The shampoo is like my own nicotine gum or patch, but instead of quelling my hunger, it only heightens it later on. She travels often, as her mom works for an airline, and it is cheap for them to fly. And I never get used to her being gone. As a smoker may want to fast forward a year, and bypass all the suffering and get to the part where the craving is gone, I want to fast forward to when I’ll be living with her and going on all the trips with her.

She is the best habit, that I never want to kick.

Maybe different but remember
Winters warm where you and I
Kissing whiskey by the fire
With the snow outside
And when the summer comes
In the river
Swims at midnight
Shiver cold
Touch the bottom
Starry night
With muddy toes

Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did

Wake up naked drinking coffee
Making plans to change the world
While the world is changing us
It was good good love
You used to laugh under the covers
Maybe not so often now
But the way I used to laugh with you
Was loud and hard

Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did

So what to do
With the rest of the day's afternoon hey
Isn't it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that i should

That I coulda done

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be
You and me
I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you left me
What day is this
Besides the day you went

So what to do
With the rest of the day's afternoon hey
Well isn't it strange how we change
Everything we did
Did I do all that I could

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be you and me
I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you went babe
What day is this?
-Stay or Leave, Dave Matthews Band

P.S. Does Jason think he is Tony Pierce, or Larry Flynt?

2003-06-30T00:16:00.000-04:00

Bartender Please

High School is finally over for me and I have realized one thing. Graduations are shit, unless it's your college graduation. I mean, what are we graduating from? Not school thats for fucking sure. Well I guess thats not entirely true. It depends if you are going to college. But I am, and I don't like graduations one bit. You have to sit down for two hours and listen to people who are better than you, who you never talked to, talk about how much they love you. They should have let me read a speech. I am the goddamn animal at writing things, maybe not speaking them, but I am sure I could have gotten over it by watching Jerry Seinfeld in Comedian. My counselor was chosen to speak during this shindig, and I liked her speech, it made me genuinely believe that she liked me. But she went for cheap laughs, by making fun of our tendencies to skip class or school all together. And then I wondered, wait, they know we do that? And the fact that all the faculty laughed leads me to believe they all do. Is that right? I really am not sure, but to defeat this tangent before it goes to far off, let me just say, I am glad I'm gone.

Getting back to me, as I am sure all you of want me to do. I was thinking about how I would have written my speech had I been valedvictorian (that sentence makes me laugh). I would have to incoporate every person from the school into my speech, and tell them how much I love them. I don't want to get beat up after graduation for leaving someone out and limp back home using my diploma to stop the bleeding in my left nostril. But I also don't want to sound like I was sucking up to them, and get beat up by the people that beat up people who....I lost myself....Basically I didn't want to get beat up. So I would have to find a balance. Then throw in some jokes, and maybe allude to knocking back some cold ones, or do my best impression of homestar runner...Who knows, the possiblities are as limitless as a kid's imagination in never never land.

I think my speech would have gone something like this:

Good evening my fellow students, teachers, and esteemed (automatic points for that one) faculty members assembled on this dais.

*Then a cliche opener, I will choose...*

It's been a long and winding road.

*Insert some personification, speak about where we go from here, a token movie quote, schmooze and wrap it up*

We've traversed the humiliating pot holes and speedbumps. And we have found ourselves here at an intersection of endless possiblities. One path may lead you to college, another to a job, maybe flipping burgers or maybe one where you take conference calls from Zihuatanejo. The point is this intersection is not just a four way stop. The roads are endless. I have come to know most each and every one of you, and I know that each path will be unique. He will be the barber that cuts my hair (that could get me beat up) and he might be the boss I work under (good save!). The most exciting part about the future is not knowing what comes next.

In Cast Away, Tom Hanks, said this, "I know what I have to do now. I have to keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?" That is goddamn right (they can't do shit about me cursing).

I'd feel remissed, with this time, not to mention some of the people at Wakefield that helped me along the way. Mr. Lutz, my newspaper teacher, your guidance was irreplacable, and like a road map you showed me the way. Mr. Burns, you taught me how to write, and that good writing and good looks don't go hand in hand.(At this point, I become to much of a pussy to say "And Mr. Grill, you are the devil, let's dance you and I.")Then there are the kids here at Wakefield, I love each and every one of you, you are my friends (I am throwing up in my head, but here I insert a dramatic pause as to look as if I was battling tears)...Losing family is what it is. Not the family that is my blood, but the family that has become my blood. The student that once pointed me to the right room the first day or the punk that knocks me into the locker.

*At this point, although I have only been talking for 3 minutes, the students are restless, and I freak, and make up this crap*

But, I guess what I am trying to say is that without that punk, I would not be up here today (I have no idea what that means, but it sounds profound). I've finished school and come out the otherside clean as a virgin's whistle (again, no frickin' clue). And, to sum it up, all I have to say is...Keep on truckin'! (There I proceed to do a karate kick, a la Boogie Nights).

Then I run of the stage, to a chorus of "you're a golden god!" I mean, that or the sound of me getting my head flushed down the toilet.

2003-05-20T21:46:00.000-04:00

The Corner of Grey Street

I am reeling...No I am not fishing. I am just trying to recollect my thoughts after watching one of the best hours of TV in my life...ever.

The Buffy Finale was simply amazing. It had everything you wanted in a finale. Angel got the brushback, I mean why would you want to insert a character in to this that hasn't been in it for years. It maintained the same humor it has had since the beginning. I love that. It didn't try to make things all serious, and disregard the format of the show that it's been living and thriving on, and the same humor which keeps us hooked on Buffy.
People died. This is one of Alias' main flaw. Nobody ever dies on that show. Godhelp me, I think it's the best show on TV, but they need to grow some juevos and knock a shitload of people off (Will, you are gonna get it someday). Hell, you have Anya getting cut in half and several of the potentials dying. But worst of all, and somehow greatest of all, Spike died. Spike deserved it, and all that implies. The man has been the tragic hero as much as Buffy ever since his role was expanded. And now he got to die, but die being the hero. And that is the only way for it to be. Yes, I am sad he died, extremely sad. But, he got to hear those 3 dirty words from Buffy, and I know he died happy, not to mention a champion.
I will likely never forget how great this ending was. From the Lord of the Rings like battle, to Xander's endearing "that's my girl" line. And Buffy in her Neo moment, practically arising from the dead. For she is the one and she cannot die. And well, she has died enough times.

There goes my hero.

2003-03-16T23:32:00.000-05:00

My Back Hurts

No, that’s not a metaphor for anything. My back just really really fucking hurts right now. It all started after I pitched three innings in a scrimmage game on Wednesday against Thomas Jefferson High School. It hurt the day after and the day after that. Then when I pitched two more on Saturday, I played through it and in the heat of battle I barely felt it. Then today, well, today it feels like jack the ripper constantly knifing my back, right under my right shoulder. And my dad just told me coach Baker called, and said that our number one pitcher is a little out of shape, and I need to pitch this Tuesday. SERENITY NOW!!!

Anyway, I get a lot of questions from people. Like why were you away so long, what do you think are gonna be the long-term repercussions of the war with Iraq, is Piglet gay? etc. But the question I get the most is, what are your mom's picks for the Oscars. Well without further ado, here they are:

Best Supporting Actor: John C. Reilly, Chicago
Best Supporting Actress: Andrea Martin, My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Best Actor: Edward Norton, The 25th Hour
Best Actress: Jennifer Aniston, The Good Girl
(Drum roll)
Best Picture: The 25th Hour

2003-03-13T23:11:00.000-05:00

Your hand on his arm
The hay stack charm around your neck
Strung out and thin
Calling some friend trying to cash some check
He's acting dumb
That's what you've come to expect
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
He's wearing your clothes
Head down to toes a reaction to you
You say you know what he did
But you idiot kid
You don't have a clue
Sometimes they just get caught in the eye
You're pulling him through
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Now on the bus
Nearly touching this dirty retreat
Falling out 6th and Powell a dead sweat in my teeth
Gonna walk walk walk
Four more blocks plus one in my break
Down downstairs to the man
He's gonna make it all ok
I can't beat myself
I can't beat myself
And I don't want to talk
I'm taking the cure so I can be quiet
Whenever I want
So leave me alone
You ought to be proud that I'm getting good marks
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay
Needle in the hay

-Needle in the Hay, Elliot Smith

P.S. I am sorry about the dearth of posts recently. Like the cons in Ocean's Eleven it was a combination of things. I've had one of the darkest periods of time...ever. I regret that my 10 fans, have been without my commentary. I shall work harder to lessen these times of prolonged silence. To my people, I apologize.

2003-02-21T16:08:00.000-05:00

Guess I'm Doing Fine

I called Holly up in sunny California (she remarked it was 78 degrees) from a despondent, cold, blustery Arlington. But while the weather may have been cold, the temperature was ripe for another epiphany.
When I called her, she was walking down Mann's Chinese Theatre, checking out the names that inhabit the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Amidst our conversation, she happened to stumble by a filmcrew shooting a movie, and there she found eating a sandwich none other than Alec Baldwin. And while Alec may not be part of the 20 million-dollar club, he certainly is an icon to me. I found it strange that Holly didn't show any change in emotion, because if I were there I would've freaked out. Well I guess that's what made it strange, me knowing what I would've done. And the freaking out I speak would've consisted of probably "The Edge kicked ass" or "only The Shadow knows!" Throughout the rest of the conversation and a good while after that, I got sad. I had this sudden realization that I have not lived. I've never seen a big celebrity. Well I did see Jason Schwartzman once, that was cool, but he is no where near the star power of Alec Baldwin and even then it's still like the coolest thing to me ever. And then before that I think I met some soccer player, and once at Olive Garden I had a waiter that looked just like Jeff Bridges.
Yes that thud is my self-esteem hitting rock bottom.
While my girlfriend is living it up on the westside, I have plans to watch Heist on HBO tonite for the umpteenth time, and go see Shanghai Knights tomorrow. But the more I think about it, the more I feel more content about my life. Like I said before, I know I'm gonna be famous. I believe in a previous post I referred to my self as this generation's Charlie Kaufman, but know that I think about it more, I think my self as the long lost son of Quentin Tarantino. And instead of my girlfriend walking on the stars of the past, she'll be standing next to me when I stick my hands in the cement.

Read my Ragnar post below!

Will Ragnar link me? Only the Shadow knows!

2003-02-20T19:59:00.000-05:00

We're shooting for the stars and hoping to change them over here at Life with Mikey. In what has been lovingly dubbed Operation: Finding Ragnar, can be found the largest venture yet begath on this website. To provide background, Ragnar Tornquist, game engineer wizard/master storyteller, has been a staple on this links page of this site. He is my idol, ever since playing The Longest Journey, I have found myself going to his website almost religously. His musings on everything from Vin Diesel to taking Spanish classes have kept me entertained on many a dull nights.
Well it came to my attention after certain run-ins with a website that the most successful blogs have been established a long time ago, and it's rather hard to keep a regular journal while entertaining thousands of hits like Tony Pierce is able to do. After this realization I came to the conclusion the only way for a greater and more regular fanbase is to first and foremost write a good blog, but sadly also to know the right people.
Then there was another factor dedicated to the operation named after the overlooked Sean Connery film. As mentioned before in previous posts, I am admist a Senior Project. A Senior Project is when we probe a topic or job, or certain field to go in more depth and give a presentation, for example my project is entitled, "writing a short screenplay." So I thought It may be cool to email Ragnar some questions, seeing as he is well experienced in this area, whereas I am a virgin. This will be a nice addition to my presentation, as I can say, "I also made correspondence with Ragnar Tornquist, an established screenwriter, and beautiful storyteller."
And through these two manifestations of thought, I have made numerous links to Ragnar's site, and I hope you click every single one of them. I plead you. I have an average of about 10 unique visitors a day, that could be possibly 70 hits from this site in one week. And if he checks his tracker, this cannot be ignored. So once again I beg of you to click these links, and maybe I might get a mention in a patented Ragnar post, or at least a response to an email that is gonna be sent soon.

2003-02-13T22:21:00.000-05:00

Valentine's Day Special

Tomorrow is Valentine's day. I have mixed feelings on the holiday. Nary a year has gone by where I have had a significant other to celebrate this often over commercialized holiday. Until this year, but wait, she's been gone since Wednesday and won't be back til Saturday. The man must be just loving this, he is probably fuckin' laughing his ass off. But I am determined for it not to get me down (although I feel it already doing so). To take my mind off I have dedicated this post for lovers. Not just any lovers, these are for the girls and heterosexual males who love Colin Farrell. Me included. And control your self gals, no pictures of him nude, just my take on this young irishman.
And babe, I hope you're having fun at ODU, I can't wait til you come back.

Colin Farrell

Job: Actor
Culture: Irish up to Yazoo
Boning: Evidently Britney
Breakout Movie: Tigerland
My Favorite Colin Performance: Minority Report
Should Make a Movie With: Sam Rockwell
Can't Wait For: Phone Booth
Parting Shot: He kissed Demi Moore, and may be doing Britney Spears (the "virgin"). He is my god.

And for Jason, the numero uno reason to hate Tom Welling.

P.S. In perusing through my last 20 visitors I found this IP address "proxydp2.VANGUARD.COM". O' shit, the goddamn Vanguard is on my ass. I'm screwed.

P.S.S. I am gonna embark on the greatest venture Life With Mikey has ever seen. A post should come within the next 7 days. Be prepared.

2003-02-12T16:00:00.000-05:00

Serkis Monkey

It's Oscar time, let the snubbing begin. I can't believe Andy Serkis, for his performance as Gollum in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, wasn't nominated. Cris Cooper and Christopher Walken (he should win) I understand. Ed Harris, I'll have to take their word for it. And man, is Harris not like the consummate great actor? He's been nominated so many times, and I still often forget how good he is. Anyway, Serkis deserves either Paul Newman or John C. Reilly's spots. It's ludicrous to think that in this movie season anyone else had a more demanding or more exacting role, and even unreal to think that a human being not even on screen can perform as well as he did. He nailed Gollum, abosolutely in every way captured his mannerisms and walk. One may forget he walked the walk and did the stunts, and the animated character you see only replaced what he did, it wasn't just a voice over. Newman is great, but that was just a courtesy nomination.

Three "Ring" Serkis: Andy acts as Gollum.
I am really upset with the academy, I thought Gene Hackman should have gotten a nod for The Royal Tenenbaums last year, and I believe in a year where Treasure Planet can be nominated, so can the performance of the year.

2003-02-10T23:10:00.000-05:00

Kill Bill

Now John at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But there's someplace that he'd rather be
He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me."
As the smile ran away from his face
"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place"
-Billy Joel, Piano Man

God do I feel like John right now. I am John, John is me. If I was a restroom I would be a John. If I was a movie I would be Being John Malkovich. All this homework my AP english teacher is throwing me is stupid, bordering on ludicrous. Ok I get it, the Canterbury Tales are real important, I'll read it, but do I need to take notes and answer questions at every fucking turn? It just defeats all the joy that I get from reading such great work.
I am getting off topic. The point of this post is not my beef with my education. It's my beef with how boring it is. I believe this is killing me. The solace that I only have 4 months is nice, but they cannot come soon enough. And beyond that I do believe I could become a movie star. Hell, Arlington bred a star we call Sandra Bullock. And while I may not be able to strut half-naked in a bathing suit like Sandra Bullock, I have other qualties. And anyway, that term shouldn't be relegated to people in front of the camera. I'm gonna write the fucking best movie ever, and I'll be the star. A Charlie Kaufman of this generation. As for now, it's back to the quick joke and light of your smoke, and back to English homework. Can't you tell there's some place I'd rather be?

Sandra Bullock

Occupation: Movie Star, often good, never bad (well Speed 2...)

Reason for being on this blog: An example of an Arlingtonian who made it. Plus this picture better double hits.

My favorite Sandra B. movie: The Net

Second favorite Sandy movie: Demolition Man

Random Sandy Quote: "The Acadamy Awards shouldn't even nominate Meryl Streep anymore. She should just be given an award every year. There should just be the Meryl Streep category."

2003-02-09T19:38:00.000-05:00

I cried last nite

Well not exactly last nite, the title just sounds more powerful that way. Actually it was two nights ago. But then again it was in the AM, so it wasn't really nite. So maybe it was two mornings ago. But it was dark, and only like 1:30. So I guess that is still the definition of nite. Well actually by the time this is posted it will be nite. Ah hell, I cried the nite of the 21st. Ok, I've already gone off-topic here.
Anyway, It was late, and I just had come back from going bowling. I turned on Vh1 and it was their top 20 countdown, hosted by that nice Middle Eastern fella. The number 20 video was Moby's "In this world." I hadn't seen the video, and the fact that it was Moby, made me sure that it was gonna be good. But I was not ready for what was to occur next.
First, to better understand my emotions, the video surrounds four aliens, three whom of which are holding signs of salutations. One saying, "Hello", one saying "Hi", and the other saying "hola." These very small aliens, about the size of a hamster, go unnoticed by everybody in the whole video. People walk by them, drive by, never paying any attention. And although their alien form makes their expressions of emotion limited, I felt very sorry for them, I felt their pain. I couldn't stop watching the video. I wanted so bad for someone to just say a simple hello to them. A small part of me was scared someone may step on them. But most of all I just wanted someone to acknowledge their existence. I'd say by the 3-minute mark, or a little past that, I began to get misty. And by the end I was full-blown crying. Although, the end is very uplifting. Moby finally gives the alien with the "hello" sign" a little wave. And they go back to their homeworld and erect a huge sign reading "hello."
I was gonna write this post as soon as I got up the next morning to write down my emotions as fresh as possible. But all I can tell you from that perspective was that I was very distraught the rest of the night, until I fell asleep. What I can offer now is some possible reasons why it hit so close to home as it did. The first thing I noticed the next day, was while I was standing up I looked down at my cat Forrest, and he seemed sad. Maybe as the aliens must of felt, he was feeling neglected. It makes sense, he's smaller than me, and it would be easy for me to ignore him. And I haven't been playing with him much lately, but I don't think that’s it.
Maybe everyone I know are the aliens. Maybe I've been ignoring them too much. But no I don't think that’s it either. No, I think I'm the aliens. I'm a very shy guy, a very cold human being to people I don't know to well. I do a lot of stuff for attention, I mean I'm the youngest child that's my job. But it's more than that. I think my whole life I have gone relatively unnoticed. My friends have been great, but I've been still holding that sign up. I've made it pretty public that I'd like to win an Oscar someday, just for the notoriety. Just so I can be remembered in some way. But that isn't what it meant to me, I think it spoke to me on a different level than fame. Besides the tears of sadness for those little damn aliens that I feel for so much, there were tears of joy that the best girl, looked down from her menu and waved her hand…Thank god for her, and all my friends.

Life imitating art

There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd.
-Sam Jackson, Pulp Fiction

2003-02-05T20:15:00.000-05:00

Priceless Movie Moments, version 1.0

Jules: Oh! Fuck's happening!
Vincent: Man, I shot Marvin in the face.
Jules: Why the fuck did you do that! Oh man I've seen some crazy ass shit in my time!
Vincent: Chill out, man. I told you it was an accident. You probably went over a bump or something.
Jules: Hey, the car didn't hit no motherfucking bump.
Vincent: Hey, look man, I didn't mean to shoot the son of a bitch! The gun went off. I don't know why.
Jules: Well look at this fucking mess, man. We're on a city street in broad daylight.
Vincent: I don't believe it.
Jules: Well believe it now, motherfucker! We gotta get this car off the road. You know cops tend to notice shit like your driving a car drenched in fucking blood.
Vincent: Take it to a friendly place, that's all.
Jules: We're in the Valley, Vincent! Marcellus ain't got no friendly places in the Valley.
Vincent: Well Jules this ain't my fucking town! Shit! What you doin'?
Jules: I'm calling my partner in Toluca Lake.
Vincent: Where's Toluca Lake?
Jules: Just over the hill here over by Burbank Studios. If Jimmie's ass ain't home, I don't know what the fuck we're going to do, man. 'Cause I ain't got no other partners in 8-1-8. Hey Jimmie, yo, how you doin'? It's Jules. Listen up man. Me and my homeboy are in serious fucking shit. We're in a car and we gotta get off the road, pronto. I need to use your garage for a couple of hours.

-John Travolta & Samuel L. Jackson, Pulp Fiction

2003-02-02T16:35:00.000-05:00

.:What are brothers for:.

It's no secret that there have been tensions rising to the surface between this blog and the estrogen-driven Madpony.com. It first started, when it was brought to my attention by a couple of people that there were striking similarities between a post I entitled "Lord of the WebRing" and a quasi-Angela Lansbury murder mystery by the madpony gals. Anyway, things were said, and I was sure the feelings and words were buried forever. But then madpony decides to do a followup post of the mystery. Perfectly fine. But then they dedicate the last paragraph, to bringing back up the altercation. Here's the paragraph:

oh, and by the way. to a certain someone (i can't remember his name, because i never read his blog) who thought i stole his idea for the murder mystery: might i suggest that you not pull stunts like accusing nice, sweet girls of plagiarizing "in order to get more hits" -- as you explained it to kristin over instant message. just try writing a better blog. :: backhand! :: KWAPOOOOWWWW.

Like their problems with capitalization, was that really cool?. No. And the slap is just downright superfluous. Luckily I am not alone in taking up residence on the side of justice. My brother backs me up, and left this comment on their blog:

The blog that you casually dismiss, and the blog that I believe you did indeed borrow the idea of a murder mystery party from is Michael Chin’s blog. It is a blog that is far better written than the drivel here at mad pony. His material is interesting and his writing style is both lucid and inventive. I feel that you would do well to read and remember his blog.

www.snldude84.blogspot.com

by the way: you wouldn’t have a fraction of the following that you do if you were not two specious young women.

Thanks bro-ham. And to the gals at madpony, your lucky I am not great with sound effects, and would rather not harshly review or criticize your blog. So I actually hired Gene Siskel to do it. But unfortunately, he took the easy way out.

P.S. This is for the wondering minds of the females at MP.
spe·cious adj.
1. Having the ring of truth or plausibility but actually fallacious: a specious argument.
2. Deceptively attractive.

Post dedicated to our dear departed friend
Gene Siskel (1946-1999)
Keep the balcony open for us...

2003-02-02T14:24:00.000-05:00

First and foremost my 3 picks for Jason's first annual "Guess The Top Three Bond Girls" (as seen in his shoutout). In ascending order: Milla Jovovich, Kristen Kreuk, Eliza Dushku. I'm gonna delcare shennanigans If I don't win.
Another point of order must be the huge plot twist JJ Abrams pulled on us during the Super Bowl episode of Alias. Killing Francie and the alliance, and letting Syd and Vaughn make out like jackrabbits inside the dismantled SD-6. I like it...for several reasons. For people just watching the show that night, they won't have to worry about the whole double agent stuff anymore. It's like were starting the show all over again, and hopefully with more viewers. Plus, Sloane is fixing to go into animal mode, and with a disgruntled Dixon, we might be seeing him having a couple fights with good ole Sydney. Lastly, since Will and Francie were doing the hippity dippity before Francie's doppleganger mopped the floor with her sis' brains, maybe Will could meet his maker!?! (I hate that newspaper twerp.)

(Kissing A Fool: Vaugn & Syd get affectionate. http://alias.fredfarm.com)

Speaking of SuperBowl, you know I couldn't leave out that my Buc's took home the championship. Which confirms two things, T.B. has the best D, and Gruden is God, or for the more current event minded, "The Guru".

Song Revived on My Playlist of the Week: Creedence Clearwater Revival - Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog

2003-01-23T22:44:00.000-05:00

Does anyone watch InsideSports on HBO with Bryant Gumball Machine? Well sometimes after a story they will show a follow up later on. Well we're having the same kinda thing over here at Life With Mikey. This blog post is dedicated to following up on Nick Castillo's viewer mail. We decided this when we got a reply to our post in the mail on the 22nd. It reads as follows:
How could u shut me down like this? On national television? -Nick Castillo

After reading this, I realized to the 5 confirmed readers of this blog, I might have came off as an asshole. We'd like to take the time to apologize to Mr. Castillo on the happenings concerning the blog. We still support our claim that this is a one man show, but now we "respectfully decline" your offer to come back to work with us. As for shutting you down, noone can do that, maybe except for Kosta under the boards.

2003-01-21T14:26:00.000-05:00

The Day That Was Part Deux

It was Saturday, and I had just spent the whole day with my buds Lazo and Nick. We had gone out to buy Madden 2003 and a new controller to accomodate the third person, and were having quite a good time. Then the James Bond Music hits on Nick's cell and he answers and finds Anna on the other line. She wants to know if we want to go to the movies. Nick hands the phone to me and I query upon which movies they want to see, I hear the likes of "A Guy Thing, Empire, etc..." Not wanting to see crap, I suggest the 25th hour. Bam, it's agreed upon. Lazo leaves, b/c he couldn't stay out late, and me and nick brave the cold out to Ballston. We arrive, get our tickets, and meet up with the other people (Anna, Alex, Paul, & Susan). The movie starts, with a dog getting beat up and Edward Norton helping him, and I can tell this will be a pretty kick ass movie, and so it is. But less than halfway through the movie, the screen goes dark, and the movie cuts off. Well ok, this has happened before. Maybe 5 minutes later it comes back on, just to cut off a good 10 minutes later. The second one doesn't piss me off, but the movie went on, and the cut offs in total amounted to 6 times! The aforementioned people had left by the 3rd or 4th cut off, but me and Nick, having already braved the cold, braved the frequent intermissions. The intermissions may I add, saw many of angry people. We both liked the movie, and kinda were displeased that the others couldn't hold their own. At the end they gave us two free movie tickets, a worthy reward for the poor projection work. I got home at 1:30, wrote my love an email, than hit the pillow. Hard.

Viewer Mail:
I was wondering if I could become part of the team! I know b4 i wouldn't write much but i will this time. Write me back! -Nick Castillo

Well those days have passed like wind in the meadow, sorry this is a one man show now. But the people here at Life With Mikey strongly encourage that you create your own webblog at Blogger.com. I can get Johnny out of the break room, and have him crank out a banner for you too, and add a link to your site. I can't promise that a link will give you hits, b/c lord knows we hardly get any, but still I can do this. Thanks for the feedback!

2003-01-18T00:42:00.000-05:00

Celebrate we will
Because life is short but sweet for certain
We're climbing two by two
To be sure these days continue
These things we cannot change

Hey, my love, you came to me like wine comes to this mouth
Grown tired of water all the time
You quench my heart and you quench my mind
-Dave Matthews Band, Two Step

Life is doing pretty good, how about yours? (Seriously tell me, I want some muther f'n viewer feedback). My babe is gonna be gone for this 3day weekend, and I am gonna miss her. But I got three days, how should I spend them? With friends. Yes. With a some gamecube? Yes. With some salt and vinegar chips. No doubt. With some Norah Jones. Hell ya. Then guess what? We get a 3day weekend the week after. I have an essay for English, but I can just bullshit it, and turn in a halfway decent paper. Its the end of the quarter, I am pretty sure I am gonna get a B no matter what.
As for right now, I am still just a bit bummed about losing my honey bunny for 3 days. I got Norah playing in the back, feeling the blues, getting pulled in by her siren's song. The lyric "you'll be on my mind, forever," hit me kinda hard. Alright my people, back to life now, check back in on Jason, he's home.

2003-01-15T23:04:00.000-05:00

Lyric of My moment...

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

-Come Away with Me, Norah Jones

2003-01-14T23:17:00.000-05:00

Jason's headed back to school (sigh). And it's back to the drones of everyday life. My applications are in for JMU, UVA, and VTech. I am definitely happy about that fact. I actually have some really good reasons to be happy.
1) Holly. Is the love of my life.
2) My birthday just passed on the thirteenth and I got some really cool gifts.
3) Lazo and I have made a pact to kill the butler from Joe Millionaire.
4) The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers out on Gamecube!

Anyway, I have recovered a tape of a conversation between Saruman and Bean.

Saruman: So you have finished your end of the deal.
Bean: Yes. I have killed all the woman of Rohan.
Saruman: Good. Soon victory will be at hand.
Bean: Do you have any gay porn?
Saruman: No. Where is Grima?
Bean: I was wondering that myself.
Saruman: Anyway, I better talk to the dark lord. And tell him our plans are going according to plan.
Bean: I'll wait here.
Saruman: There will be no dawn for men.
Bean: Wait. What?

Parting Shot: Come away with me.

2003-01-08T13:52:00.000-05:00

The Day That Was

Yesterday evening was a quite eventful, very tiring journey. Let me break this down. Nick and I were going to Best Buy to return a game, buy a PS2 (courtesy of Steve), and get the LOTR: The Two Towers game for PS2. First we made it to Best Buy, and to my dismay, I had left the game to be returned at home. So we went back to my house to get the game, and then went back to Best Buy. There, we waited in line for a while at the Customer Service table, just to find out that we couldn't return it because the seal had been broken. Ok, I can live with that. Then we go to the gaming section to find that there are no PS2s, but at the Gamecube section (the console I have), The Two Towers game was out for the Cube. So I was a bit confused. I used Nick's cell phone to call my brother down at the Chevy Chase Bank, and he was as befuddled as I. So then Nick and I (for typing sake I dub this tandem the crew), went to Pentagon City to meet my brother at the mall where the branch he was working is located. He told me that while we were coming over, he went to the nearby Electronic's Boutique and asked a worker, and he said that it was the same thing. So with that information, the crew went across the street to the Best Buy there. The crew got the game, and went home, too tired to play and we went back to our respective homes...Anyway when I got my strength back around ten o'clock, I played it, and it's f----'n awesome.

Misc: Am I incapable of normal conversation? Did god make me devoid of any good relationship skills? I am starting to believe so. Everyday at lunch when my honey bunny is there, I always do stupid crap, and never can thing of words to say. It's starting to eat me up inside. Why can't I complete the relatively easy task of carrying on a normal conversation, especially with my girlfriend. Then after that in the hallway, I walk behind her while she talks to everybody else imaginable. I swear to god something is wrong with me. While I would be content with saying nothing and just holding her hand through the hall. I would like to be able to talk to her too. It's much easier to when were alone, I guess that may have something to do with that.

By the way, Andy Serkis for Best Supporting Actor.

2003-01-02T14:54:00.000-05:00

I signed out of class again, but this time without a ride. So I walked home. Yes, the distance is long. But if Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas could run for three days I could take a little walk home. Plus I was tracking a band of Uruk-hai westward across the plain.

Anyway...Some VIEWER MAIL. YAY! It may be from my girlfriend, the only other confirmed reader besides my brother, but I am still very happy. Thanks love.

Her mail reads: Why do you add "conversations" with your cat and with the blog itself like you think it is really talking to you? -Holly

Well, it sounds like someone does not believe in my ability to talk to things non-human. Well as the story goes, when I was seven, I fell off the jungle gym and my top tooth bent back and another punctured my lip. While at the dentist office, they were stitching my bottom lip but the dentist dropped the needle into my throat. I choked and accidentally snorted the needle up to my brain, and it lodged itself in the cerebral cortex. It allows me a type of ESP in which I can talk to lower life forms and inanimate objects. Some string also is wrapped around my hypothalamus which may account for my elevated sex drive (but that is neither here not there). Well I hope this answered your question, and Life With Mikey encourages all people to send in more questions!

2002-12-31T14:39:00.000-05:00

The Long and Winding Road

My one and a half week vacation is coming to a close. There was as much hardships as there were gifts for the first time in my whole life. Not to say that it wasn't my fault. I could've done my college applications earlier or I could've worked on my government project earlier in the break. There are a lot of "I could've"'s. But at this moment I don't give a rats ass. The year is coming to a close, and it will wash away all the sins of this year. Yes, I get to start anew. And what a way to start the New Year. I'm going into 2003 with the greatest woman alive. I've got one application done, and the rest will be a breeze now. My Senior year is coming to a close, and high school's hold is already loosening it's grip. And best of all, the summer does not seem so far away anymore. And what a summer I envision. No worries, carefree. But until then, all I have to do is survive. Like that show I used to watch when I was a kid, "Life Goes On."

For a parting shot, I was just wondering if anyone reads this goddamn thing? My counter suggests so, but then again it counts everytime someone comes to the site, not unique visitors. So email is appreciated. Maybe I could start a viewer mail segment or something. Just a thought. Happy Early New Years!

2002-12-19T14:07:00.000-05:00

Mike: Long time, no see blog.
Blog: Yeah, what the fuck is up with that?
Mike: Watch the language. I had to take care of things.
Blog: What kind of things?
Mike: Lots of homework, essays and shit. Plus mi hermano came home.
Blog: You just told me to watch my language.
Mike: Sorry. So what have you been doing in the mean time?
Blog: Tensions have been rising with Madpony.com. They stole our ideas. I heard you had an encounter with them.
Mike: Yeah, they im'd me on AOL. I think one of them likes me.
Blog: The young one?
Mike: I hope so. She's hot.
Blog: Isn't that against the law?
Mike: Yeah, theres that.
Blog: So are you gonna take action against the possible plagarism.
Mike: Well they claim they didn't know about it. Plus I'm sure any impending litigation would hurt my chances with one of them.
Blog: Good call. Well do you have anything else to say to the people?
Mike: Yeah, theres some stuff running through my head...

Has everyone seen the new Grey Street video but me? I'm watching MTV and VH1 all day, and no sign of DMB. It's starting to piss me off. My girlfriend saw it this morning and she wrote it on her hand to remind herself to tell me she saw it. It's official. The presidents of the music channels are on my hit list.
What else?!? Oh yeah, Chirstmas shopping. I've found something out that makes it a lot easier. Go shopping with someone you love. I went with Holly, to some stores, and I had the easiest time shopping. And even though I didn't buy anything, I had a wonderful time. And usually if I was shopping for 3 hours and didn't get a gift I would be quite pissed.
During my leave I had so many topics for discussion but they have all but dissapeared.
You people out there don't know it, but I just stopped writing for 5 minutes. My Senior project teacher is helping a student with his college essay. She's still here, but I have decided to keep working. Breaking the law...I live a sad life.
Across the room, I have been eavesdropping on a conversation between Rachel and Shantae (I have no idea how to spell names, especially ones like those). Rachel was talking about her misfortune with boys, that really hit home with me. Before this, from the end of last year, I was about as good with women as Mariah Carey was with sanity. I've all but realized my problem, it was two things. A longstanding problem with shyness and my fear of rejection. I was thinking of mentioning a short quote from their conversation, but I fear that some other people from Wakefield may read my blog, so I hesitate the mention the particulars (sadly I know the only people that read my blog are me, my brother, and possibly Janet Reno). But after the eavesdropping I realized that if Rachel and I ever were to talk to each other, we would most likely be pretty good friends.
Well I am spent. If I think of something, I'll just edit it in. And you all will be none the wiser. Plus the two girls have just started talking again.

2002-12-12T22:00:00.000-05:00

Times that make you wish you smoked pot

A Thursday usually filled with dings from instant messages from my love, Matt LeBlanc and the rest of the gang, and some downtime is no more. I have finished one god awful essay for English and at the moment I'm embarking on the second for AP Government, and I wonder...
Could I have been
A parking lot attendant
Could I have been
A millionaire in Bel Air
Could I have been Lost somewhere in Paris
Could I have been
Your little brother
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone other than me
Could I have been
Anyone

He stands touch his hair his shoes untied
Tongue gaping stare
Could I have been a magnet for money?
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Twenty three and so tired of life
Such a shame to throw it all away
The images grow darker still
Could I have been anyone other than me? Then I

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy

Iam who I am who I am who am I
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me?

Sing and dance I'll play for you tonight
And thrill at it all
Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes
But I'll work it out then I

Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
What's the use in worrying, what's the use in hurrying
Turn, turn we almost become dizzy

Falling out of a world of lies
Could I have been dancing nancy
Could I have been anyone other than me?

2002-12-08T17:31:00.000-05:00

The Lord of the WebRing

The peril of the ringbearer deepens...

The thieves, the filthy little thieves! They stole my Precious, and me wants it!

I have come back to you now, at the turn of the tide.

Prevailing shadow that glowers in the East takes shape. There is a union now between the two towers, Orthanc and Barad-Dur.

The alliance between men and elves is over. Our time here is ending. Arwen's time is ending... let her go.

You have the gift of foresight...tell what you have seen!
He is not coming back.

2002-12-07T23:24:00.000-05:00

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long... We got two days off on the account of snow, and I made full use, going sledding like the days of old. When did I get so old that sledding has become such a distant memory. I guess my elder age kicked in when I realized the sexual connotation of Goldfinger.

Bean's Corner

The Pro's and Con's of Viggo Mortensen:
Pro's: Middle aged, experienced, can repair own clothes, good with swords, heir to the throne of Gondor, and hung like a moose (i'm just telling you what i heard).
Con's: Arwen. Not gay yet.

Viggo

Parting shot from Mike: You can't please people all the time...and all those people read my blog

2002-12-04T20:49:00.000-05:00

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we've no place to go
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

It doesn't show signs of stopping
And I've bought some corn for popping
The lights are turned way down low
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight
How I'll hate going out in the storm!
But if you'll really hold me tight
All the way home I'll be warm

The fire is slowly dying
And, my dear, we're still goodbying
But as long as you love me so
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

8:46 - Doing the snow dance, feeling the flow...working it, working it.

P.S. Jason, are you too good to respond to emails?

2002-12-02T18:45:00.000-05:00

Look at that. Right above this post, 12.2.2002.
Sometimes the months just creep up on you. When I woke up today I had the distinct feeling that we were still in the month of November (it might not of helped that I had one of my insomnia induced wide awakers). This is weird seeing as we had been in December since Sunday...I guess the lateness in which Turkey Day arrived through me off, or the shenanigans the holiday induced, either way, "I have no concept of time."
Anyway, I found this pic in bean's closet. Kinda sick if you ask me.

Do you also find it weird that it's labeled cats? Maybe it's just me...

2002-11-30T20:21:00.000-05:00

I think this new banner rocks, but thats just my opinion I could be wrong.

First off let me shoot this review for Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets out of the way right now. I saw this movie on Tuesday, and I have to say I am not ashamed at all. This Potter kid, although probably gay, has some nice moves.
This movie was not as good as the first in my opinion (according to other reviews, I am alone in thinking this). The first one had more backstory and more explanation, and being not a reader of the books, they have some explainin' to do! There were some cool people though. Kenneth Branagh as a phony wizard Gilderoy Lockhart was my favorite. If you were quiet enough in the theater you could hear me repeatedly say "I love this guy." Dobby, the Malfoy House elf, was not only weird but a sick-ass masochist.
All in all, I have to say I never got bored but then again I never got all too excited. But then again I went with my girlfriend, and really didn't catch all of it. If you catch my drift. B- The first Potter Movie: B+

What a writer veers off too while writing an English essay during massive writer's block:

3. Sports
2. Jason's Blog (update it, goddamn you!)
1. Natasha Henstridge

-Two pretty good posts in one day, sweet.

2002-11-30T15:56:00.000-05:00

Happy belated Turkey Day jiggas. I hope you stuffed yourself to the verge of puking.

Anyway, Turkey day night, the WB, overrated for it's TV shows (although my family loves Smallville like it was oxygen), aired my favorite and probably the most brillant animated movie ever made, The Iron Giant. Not many people remember this movie, because of failed marketing and due to execs at Warner Brothers having their heads up their asses.
But I digress...Well I watched it again, and once again I was amazed by its brillance, and the end once again almost drove me to tears. And if you haven't ever even heard of The Iron Giant, its basically: kid finds robot, army wants to kill robot, but boy loves robot, robot saves day, but at a cost. It also has quite the A-list cast with names like Jennifer Anniston, John Mahoney, Harry Connick Jr., and Vin Diesel (who voices the Iron Giant).
I've done a lot of research about The Iron Giant since it's release, and I am pleased to hear that the DVD Special Edition is supposed to be coming out in December of early 2003. Maybe Warner Brothers will decide to market the DVD this time, and possibly make up for some of the follies of the past. I do regret the fact that I never got to see it on the big screen (God damn the man! And his lack of hype for this movie!)
Well I want to leave you with an article I read in my researching from aint-it-cool-news from more than 3 years ago.

2002-11-27T15:15:00.000-05:00

Yo, His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's chokin, how everybody's chokin now
The clock's run out, time's up over, blow!
Bean's into Beastiality, O that animality
O, there goes mikey, he's stoked
He's a lad, easy peasy Jap-N-easy
No, he won't have it , he knows his whole suburb's ropes
It don't matter, he's a dope
It's turkey day, and he's choke
He's so packed that he knows
When he goes back to his girlfriend, that's when it's
Back to the sea again yo
The old' thousand fish in the sea
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him
You better gorge youself, the moment
You own it, you better never say no
You only get one shot for seconds, do not miss your chance to blow
Seconds comes once in a lifetime yo.

2002-11-26T14:54:00.000-05:00

Bored out of my mind:

Senior Project class...sucks. I should of signed out a long time ago. Why the hell didn't I? I don't need to be here! Well, why I am still in hell, I might as well add something to my blog seeing as Jason's blog is about as stagnant as my comotose great godmother. So what to say? Not much thats for sure. Turkey Day is coming up, and I have already punched new notches in my belt. I also have to make my football picks because Thursday's game are approaching. Redskins vs. Cowboys & Patriots vs. Lions. Thats some easy pickins', Patriots are gonna go to town on the Lions (by the way did you see that call by Marty to receive in overtime? What the hell was that? I had Joey Harrington playing on my fantasy football team, I could of use the extra completions and yards. Thanks Marty, you're a stand-up guy, asshole.) Redskins will probably beat the Cowboys, I am not saying its gonna be a cakewalk, because folksinger/baseball player/quarterback Chad Hutchinson is coming along rather well. And Joey Galloway (another esteemed member of my fantasy football team tearing it up) and did you see Emmitt? The guy ran like the 22 of old, it was beautiful.
What else?!? I believe I am gonna go watch Harry Potter tonite, than probably Die Another Day with my brothers. I've seen some movies that I haven't commented on the blog. I don't remember all, but the two I do, I believe are pretty good.
There was The Ring. Naomi Watts is real hot, but who does not know that. And it was rather scary, but not scary enough to be put in a category with like Scream 1, Friday the 13th, What Lies Beneath, Night of the Living Dead, or something like that. But it did the job. B
Then I saw Punch-Drunk Love. It was very weird, and I loved it. Sandwiched between two movies that should prove to be some of the worst Adam Sandler movies ever, Mr. Deeds and 8 Crazy Nights, this might just be his best ever. Not really much to say, but just that you can go see it and make whatever you want of the movie. B+
2:44. Eleven more minutes...Oooo, the clock just clicked to 45 as I wrote that. I just set the high score on 3D Pinball, beating out my neighbor two desks over to the left, Gabby.
If you wondered where I sit, I have situated myself smack-dab in the bottom left corner, near some file cabinets. It's pretty sweet, I maintain anonymity, but I didn't account for the file cabinets, because teacher makes frequent trips to the cabinets. But do not worry I got the Alt-Tab thing down. Right after I switch over I write the same thing, "This senior project will help me in the ways that many people will never know..." It makes no sense, no sense. But teacher never checks my progress. I hope she doesn't watch me, because I have no idea what else to write after that.
Well, 2:50. Five minutes. I am gonna take this time to look for spelling mistakes. LaTer.

2002-11-25T17:00:00.000-05:00

Moving Words:

Funny when you’re small
The moon follows the car
There’s no one but you see
Hey, the moon is chasing me

2002-11-20T14:04:00.000-05:00

Recently, Curb Your Enthusiasm, HBO's hit comedy has been hit with some allegations from the Screen Writer's Guild. They believe that although the series is supposed to be a improvisational comedy, there are some writers that help on the show.
To get to the bottom of this, Bean and I have decided to do a little point/counter-point, on the subject. I will take the side of Larry David and the show, while Bean will fight for the Screen Writers Guild.

Bean, first off, let me just say, that Larry David has already said that he outlines every show, but all the dialogue is improvised.
Well Mike, that is all well and good, but it is very unlikely that the dialogue and action I see on the show is improvised.
I don't see where you're going with this.
Let me explain. Larry David, is obviously a comedic genius and did a lot of good work with Jerry Seinfeld on "Seinfeld"...
I feel a but coming on.
But no. Butts yes. Anyway, I think it's pretty unbelievable that in a show where nothing is scripted and everything in front of the camera is improvised that noone would break out into some...
No.
What?
Don't finish that sentence.
Why not?
Everyone and their momma knows where you are going with this.
I really don't think they do.
Your not gonna speak of...sodomy?
I don't even know what that is.
Really?
Yes, really.
Well I guess it's ok for you to continue.
Thanks.
Ya sorry.
Well I was gonna say that it's unlikely that noone would break into some anal sex.
Bean!
What?
You said you weren't gonna say that.
No I did not.
You just said anal sex.
So? That's sodomy?
Uh, duh!
Really?
I swear to you.
Wow. That's a whole new side of the internet I can look into now.
That's just sick.
Sick?
Yea.
Sorry I meant to mutter it under my breath.
What were we even talking about?
I'm not quite sure.
Uh, well in summation, I don't think that Ketchup and Mustard in the same bottle will work.
Agreed.

2002-11-18T19:41:00.000-05:00

Conversation between Bean and I about HBO's Oz.

Bean, a lot of people think that 6 Feet Under or Sopranos is the best show on Sunday nites.
I think I know where you're going with this.
No not Boomtown.
What? What show are you thinking of?
Oz.
Oz?
The prison show.
Huh?
With Luke Perry.
O...O! I love that show. You're right it's my favorite.
I love the great ensemble and the distinct personalities of every inmate.
Ya that's good, I guess.
You guess?
Well I was thinking down a different path.
The anal sex?
The anal sex.

2002-11-17T23:01:00.000-05:00

Top Five Nicknames my Dad has called Forrest.

5. Charlie
4. Gay
3. Beans
2. Whatchu doin in my bed?
1. The Gay Blade

Forrest

2002-11-16T18:47:00.000-05:00

Recently, action superstar/stud/entrepreneur Vin Diesel announced that he is starting his own Video Gaming company, Tigron (and I usually don't surf those sites but just needed one to reference for you, my audience).

Anyway, as a service to Mr. Diesel, Life With Mikey presents the Do's and Don'ts for Vin and his company.

DO: Create video game after the Diesel movie "The Iron Giant"
DON'T: Base anything off "xXx" ever.

DO: Call up Spielberg(Diesel worked with him on Saving Private Ryan), to inquire about a collaboration with him, or with LucasArts.
DON'T: Call up the "xXx" director, ever.

DO: Take some creative liberties from your favorite game "Grand Theft Auto."
DON'T: Take creative liberties from the game "Rise of Robots."

DO: Converse with gaming guru Ragnar Tornquist.
DON'T: Converse with Bill Gates.

DO: Possible cross promotion with Pitch Black sequel, "Chronicles of Riddick".
DON'T: Possible cross promotion with "xXx2".

finally:

DO: Submit your game to Happy Puppy for reviewing.
DON'T: Submit your game to Jason Chin. He may deem it gay.

-End-

2002-11-16T13:20:00.000-05:00

Life With Mikey streches far...

Well actually not that far.

My Fantasy Football, nail biting decision of the week:

Starting Lamar Gordon or Marshall Faulk.

P.S. Cuban is God

2002-11-10T18:54:00.000-05:00

The Logo Returns

Write in Vote: Paul Gross(Filmography)

Pro: Strong Canadian base. Athletic. Good with dogs.
Con: Um....none.

Lowdown: Would take a miracle. But, would be the best Bond ever.

Paul Gross